The Gold Of Smauge Poem by Dan Jordan

this poem does paint a picture of what you are thinking about, well wrote thanks for sharing

this is a very good poem i love it

A wonderful poem Daniel? if i may i have the smallest suggestion for a line the third line within the first stanza i believe might flow better if one replaced your word 'of' with the words 'that is' just a personal opinion but either way it was a lovely poem reflecting the netherworlds of smauge and his treasury Timothy

There are several things you did in this marvellous fantasy poem, Dan, that I liked quite a bit and that also showed an impressive imagination and poetic talent. Of course, there are a few things that need some attention, not uncommon with most younger and less experienced writers. It was impressive that you used repetition in this poem and used it well with the repeat of phrases in each new verse. It does tend to make a poem more memorable. I think 'A pile of gold' sounds better to begin your 4th line of the 1st verse than the word 'The' does. The 2nd verse can be better balanced by a little re-phrasing: The first sentence is fine, but might look and sound better if it goes like this: 'With a cruel, savage heart of bitter cold.' That would make the line end further over, allowing you to begin and end the 4th line like this: 'For they wish to have a most lucious/ and start the 5th line like this: 'And lavish life of selling Gold.' It balances the whole verse better. Your final verse needs no altering. I think this is a very promising write, Dan. Carl.

I like this poem very much. Could you please explain to me what makes you think of these ideas. I took this poem and understoood it as I'm trying to find something beautiful and rich, that is deep and hidden that is underneath ugly and scary things. But how do you take it?

Very good I think this is a very good poem that is not understood by all

A good write, wording is splendid.

good write it makes you realize that you must continue until you find the light at the end of the tunnel.

awsome...... this is good.....

I enjoy the imagery and allegory of this one, Dan! There's a timeless quality to this work that can be applied to the current financial woes instigated by the Rothschild empire of money-changing shenanigans. Great job on this poem, Dan! Warm regards, John.