Thoris Flukblucker's New Man Drinking Math Poem by Jim McGill

Thoris Flukblucker (be careful how you thay that!)
Was hauled before a court, drunker than a midnight cat
The judge glared at him from high upon his bench
‘Tell me why it seems impossible for you to quench
Your insatiable thirst' he blared with disapproval
‘You should be ashamed' said he with evinced reproval
‘At your age you should be a pillar of our community
A man of wisdom and stability; not drunken importunity'

Thoris swayed in reply, 'I'm not guilty your Honour Sh'ir
It all started withsh one drink' he said with a slur
'Wow! I felt sho good, contented, strong and free
It calmed, it soothed, it made a new man out of me

Well this new man and I struck up a conversation!
To my amazement we shared a common in-law relation
So, we toasted each other right there and then
Wouldn't sh'a know it…that made two more new men!

Now that we knew each'sh other, we made a toast again
Our voice'shs raised a cheer; the new arrivals did the sh'ame
And another four brand new men showed up to drink
Now there wa'sh eight of us with glasses poised to clink

So, once more we toasted the new men we had cheered
The bar was filling fast ‘cause eight more new men appeared
The music blared, I felt it pulse inside, I wa's a dancing star
I was Zhorba the Greek with friends; we danced around the bar
I dance sho well with my glassh filled. I would have danced more
But I bumped into the barman and shent twelve steins to the floor

The barman didn't share our joy, he grabbed me by the neck, hic
He threw me into the street with my all new men friends, the prick
The policesh then picked me up with the sixteen new men you see
And that is how we got to be here wit'sh you now judging me'

'Mr. Flukblucker, hear me well. You and all your new found men
Will get to sleep it off in my new jail, until tomorrow morning at ten'
So there you have it, Thoris Flukblucker's new man drinking math
On replete display. Then coming into conflict with a judge's wrath