What Exactly Is It? Poem by God is Good

Inhaling the musky scent of the air...
Taking in the earth's beauty....
Noticing it's not the world I hate.
Looking to my left, then the right...
people enjoying themselves,
relaxing, smiling...
It's them I can't stand....
they're looks of satisfaction,
the joyful noises that escape their lips,
laughs, songs, sighs.....
Dispicable! ....
or on my side? ...
Jealousy? .....
Maybe because everyone has a someone that makes them smile...
Fathers, sisters, moms, brothers....
even a special high, they can't get enough of,
boyfriends, girlfriends, h3ll or even just friends! ....
Then there's you(me) ....
alone,
the most complicated thing to understand....
Not even understood by yourself!
Let alone liked...
it's crazy actually...
walking around, looking and talking down on others,
swallowing the fact that you only wish
to have something to look forward to,
someone who's happy to see you're alive another day,
someone you care for almost more than yourself....
Then you call lovers weak! ...
You call family, fake!
Thinking of everyone as traders...
then noticing,
you do need someone...
Stubborness, overcoming you,
as all ways..
of course, it's denied...
You run from it all..
from help,
love,
understanding...
so why blame everyone?
Why hate happiness because you fear it? ...
Why criticize love, when you don't know it?
Why complain about not being accepted, when you
won't allow it? ....
Why complain at all,
when you don't know exactly why?
What is it that you want?