Who Would Have Guessed?

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My grandma had a special guest,
he had been told, 'young man, go West, '
by folks who knew whereof they spoke,
they also liked this handsome bloke.

They went to church where he confessed,
the Priest said 'son you shall be blessed',
but unbeknownst, quick like a rocket
he picked the Holy Father's pocket.

And stayed behind to help claen up,
then pocketed a golden cup.
Also a case of Beaujolais.
Who would have guessed? What can I say?

At grandma's house he helped himself
to trinkets from the loungeroom shelf.
He emptied then the cookie jar
and drank the brandy from her bar.

The night was dark when he proceeded
to drink the wine his body needed.
The cyanide blew up his chest -
wrong label, damn, who could have guessed!

My grandma heard the dying sounds,
which woke the chickens and the hounds.
And, being guilty, so she reckoned
she knew she mustn't waste a second.

You see, she'd recognised how black
his soul must be. She did not lack
an attitude of laissez-faire,
she thought about it, would she dare?

So, when the thieving, robbing feller
was resting, she went to the cellar.
She switched the labels on the wine,
with cyanide, straight from the mine.

A Hessian bag of giant size
hid him from neighbours' prying eyes.
She dragged him to the Harvest shed
and dumped him where the sign said 'SHRED'.

Went back inside her cosy nest,
dear God, my Lord, who would have guessed.
The village thought he'd gone away
and Grandma drank the Beaujolais.

You heard about the leprechaun,
the closet with the skeleton?
Next poem I shall tell the rest,
but, honestly, who could have guessed? ? ?

Herbert Nehrlich1 10 February 2006

Gina, you most definitely should. Best H

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Gina Onyemaechi 10 February 2006

Hey, Julia, that's what I've told him! ! As for you, Dr H, I'd say this puts you streets ahead of the others in Mr Shepherd's competition (I have only read 2 other pieces, mind) : -) Reckon I should have a crack? G.

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Julia Klimenova 10 February 2006

It reads much like the scary tales of Roald Dahl. It is funny. Nice write. Julia

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Zahraa Song 10 February 2006

Very entertaining...Grandma is a bit eerie though. Nice read! ! Zain

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Herbert Nehrlich1 10 February 2006

That's because I never know at the start of a poem (seldom) where it will take me. Best HH(jr)

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You're more American than George W., Haughty Haines...and Mary's right, although I am enamored of your perfect rhyme...it is a bit of a creepy poem...

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Mary Nagy 10 February 2006

Fun poem with a creepy ending..........I like it! Great job as usual. Sincerely, Mary

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Herbert Nehrlich1 10 February 2006

No, Zainab, only some do.Thanks for your comment. But you live in a beautiful place. Best H

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Zahraa Song 10 February 2006

I always suspected Herbert was a doctor...Am I right? Your poems always have a medical aspect to it

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