J.A McManus

Rookie - 0 Points (19/2/1983 / Carlisle, Cumbria)

Without Your Love. - Poem by J.A McManus

Without your precious love
I’d be as empty as a drum
You’re my entire world
My stars, my moon, my sun.

Without your precious love
I’d be a lock without a key
You’re my entire world
My waves, my sand, my sea.

Without your precious love
I’d be as hollow as a lie
You’re my entire world
My clouds, my wind, my sky.

Without your precious love
I’d be a garden with no turf
You’re my entire world
My rain, my grass, my earth.


Comments about Without Your Love. by J.A McManus

  • (1/13/2010 4:55:00 AM)


    Very nice with simple thread that worked really well. (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
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  • Luwi Habte (11/7/2009 9:14:00 AM)


    wow
    nice romantic piece
    well done
    luwi!
    (Report) Reply

  • (11/6/2009 7:45:00 AM)


    Nice sentiments J, I like the flow and content, very good,
    10
    Lynda xx
    (Report) Reply

  • Matt Mooney (11/3/2009 11:32:00 AM)


    A poem that scan stand on its head for you. It bounces off the page with the rhythm of its reality. A well crafted admission of the depths of love in the easy stages of verse.10. (Report) Reply

  • (11/3/2009 12:15:00 AM)


    The flowing of the words is wonderful....it's nice how without her your life would be boring and unbearable but with it the world is a rich and wonderful place to live in. Keep it up (Report) Reply

  • (11/2/2009 2:17:00 AM)


    Your love is shown and its a good job you have her or you
    would be a nobody with no stars....a poem from the heart
    regards
    (Report) Reply

  • (11/2/2009 12:17:00 AM)


    well placed words...with perfect rhythm...a hearfelt poem~ 10+ (Report) Reply

  • (11/1/2009 9:08:00 PM)


    A wonderful piece and had you said You are and added the last line in each stanza it would have been a poem on it's own--10 (Report) Reply

  • Fay Slimm (11/1/2009 9:43:00 AM)


    John this has all the elements of a tender romantic love-poem of the first order - it is a delight to read - - keep writing and warm wishes from Fay 10 (Report) Reply

  • (11/1/2009 8:03:00 AM)


    Your well placed and chosed words made the poem an enjoyable success..cheers,
    Patti
    (Report) Reply

  • (11/1/2009 7:43:00 AM)


    How dry and dull life is to him without her love, but it is sweet and bright when he feels her love's presence. Interesting piece. (Report) Reply

  • (11/1/2009 5:20:00 AM)


    It's lovely John very simple and heartfelt - flows very well. Thanks for sharing (Report) Reply

  • (11/1/2009 5:14:00 AM)


    Nice Prose my Friend, You will enjoy your Love through Life.
    Having Skills to express yourself in Poetry is a Gift.
    You have that Gift.
    Kind Regards
    Philip
    (Report) Reply

  • Susan Jarvis (11/1/2009 5:04:00 AM)


    This poem is perfect - full of rhyme, rhythm and heartfelt sentiment. 'Without your precious love / I’d be as hollow as a lie' is a superb simile. S :) (Report) Reply

  • (10/31/2009 6:31:00 AM)


    Beautifully written with rhyme and rhythm and with much sensitivity and purpose. I love how the last line in each stanza is not a repetition which it could be, but it changes with every stanza.
    10 Love Karin
    (Report) Reply

  • (10/31/2009 5:45:00 AM)


    These poem sounds like songs to me... (Report) Reply

  • (10/30/2009 9:42:00 PM)


    elegantly written with feelings 10 (Report) Reply

  • John Knight (10/30/2009 5:46:00 PM)


    Hi John - Love makes us use some powerful metaphores and yours display the extremes of Positivity and Negativity. The negatives are very emotive 'The empty drum' 'The keyless lock' 'The hoiiowness of a lie' 'the turfless garden'. In my experience these mataphores are very very apt - for the HOLLOWNESS one feels when the object of our love has departed 'Without your preciuos love...........'
    The positives are mega! V 1 The Cosmos V 2 The Hydrosphere V 3 The Atmosphere V 4 The Lithosphere & The Biosphere - In fact 'The entire World / Universe! ! ! '. This is a classically structured poem - four quatrains - excellent metre - excellent and consistent rhyme pattern and consistent repetition which makes it excellent to recite. It merits a MAX. Yours in Poetry - JOHN
    (Report) Reply

  • (10/30/2009 5:01:00 PM)


    I hope you gave this to your wife before you posted it, beautiful, it's everything. terry (Report) Reply

  • (10/30/2009 4:14:00 PM)


    nice combination between a repetitive verse, a simile and an extended metaphor:
    ''Without your precious love
    I’d be as hollow as a lie
    You’re my entire world
    My clouds, my wind, my sky''
    wonderful lyric poem, lovely rhymes, thank you for sharing....10+++++
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, October 30, 2009

Poem Edited: Wednesday, January 13, 2010


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