4th Of July Poem by David DeSantis

4th Of July

Rating: 5.0


A great man
was hurt today.

sadness.

I took a walk,
my grandfather.

awareness.

my heart beats,
darker shades.

a princess.

In the end
we're all the same

priceless.

Saturday, July 5, 2008
Topic(s) of this poem: introspection
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Anong All 05 July 2008

Nicely done on the structure, and I like the way you worded it, flowed! Thanks for sharing

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Rema Prasanna 14 July 2008

I hear a silent patriotic prayer... feelings concealed.4th July speaks volumes. honest write 10+ Rema

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Raynette Eitel 10 July 2008

David, I liked the way you used your words carefully, sparsely, meting out each phrase in nearly a stingy way. I talk a lot about poets 'boiling down their poems' until only the crystal is left. You have done this quite well. It is a startling and unusual fourth of July poem. Raynette

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Christine Austin Cole 05 July 2008

This leaves me with such a heavy feeling, David. Instinct, intuition, something tells me that the sparseness of your words here was very much by design (conscious or unconscious) and, I think, may well have been the reason this made it to the page at all. There is much more here than meets the eye, I believe - invisible words lingering between (or underneath, perhaps) those that you've allowed the reader to be privy to. I'd guess that you alone know the full extent of what is here. I cannot, though, stop myself from being so bold as to suggest that others... can feel it. Potent piece, really. Holidays can be such tragic undertakings for the pained and/or the poetic. I have myself suffered my fair share. Christine

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Kesav Easwaran 05 July 2008

good wordings...good structure...a poem with poise and grace...

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Michael Campbell 05 July 2008

painful poem, but uplifting ending. i like.

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