A Fear And Loathing Of Spotted Owls/In Memory Of Hunter S. Thompson Who Could Fire Off A Good Book In One Shot... Poem by Ted Sheridan

A man ran into a liberal tree on his way to cast his vote
before the polls closed. Reportedly his car claimed and accepted
all liability for the accident and wished to incur the cost of the
minimum damages to the municipal property, but the tree
wanted to sue. The weeping willow, soon obtained legal counsel
through an ambulance driver handing out business cards at the scene
on behalf of a shyster tort lawyer. Weeks later…The car,
hereafter known as the defendant in the case,
chose to present in its own defense, evidence to the contrary
that in so much as the tree, or hereafter to be referred to
as the plaintiff, had been observed weeping previously
on that same evening swaying in the middle of the medium strip
of a downtown area known to be frequented by derelicts and other
undesirables; and seeing as how the very conservative lady
in the pantsuit who was the only person or thing truly injured in the
accident had not been driving at the time, but rather had been
seated in the rear seat of the hybrid car and behind
the nervous driver, shouting directions from a tourist
instructional manual at the top of her very vocal cords for him to
turn immediately in the hopes of a compromise with her friends
on the other side of the aisle. The driver, a family man with three
illegitimate adopted children who had been passed up by both
Madonna and Angelina Jolie for not being ethnic enough;
was only obeying and reacting to her demanding voice. He did
the only thing he thought appropriate and that was to swerve
to his left, thereby avoiding the endangered spotted owl perched
on the body of a drunken campaign worker, who only minutes
before had been thrown under the wheels of the straight talk express….
A United Nations election observer from Haiti
was said to have reported numerous voters were being disenfranchised
by all of the political posturing and predicted it would
have overlapping repercussions and probably be taken
all the way to the Supreme Court before being settled...

2008 © T Sheridan

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