Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop Poem by Roald Dahl

Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop

Rating: 2.9

'Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
The great big greedy nincompoop!
How long could we allow this beast
To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast
On everything he wanted to?
Great Scott! It simply wouldn't do!
However long this pig might live,
We're positive he'd never give
Even the smallest bit of fun
Or happiness to anyone.
So what we do in cases such
As this, we use the gentle touch,
And carefully we take the brat
And turn him into something that
Will give great pleasure to us all–
A doll, for instance, or a ball,
Or marbles or a rocking horse.
But this revolting boy, of course,
Was so unutterably vile,
So greedy, foul, and infantile
He left a most disgusting taste
Inside our mouths, and so in haste
We chose a thing that, come what may,
Would take the nasty taste away.
'Come on!' we cried, 'The time is ripe
To send him shooting up the pipe!
He has to go! It has to be!'
And very soon, he's going to see
Inside the room to which he's gone
Some funny things are going on.
But don't, dear children, be alarmed;
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,
Although, of course, we must admit
He will be altered quite a bit.
He'll be quite changed from what he's been,
When he goes through the fudge machine:
Slowly, the wheels go round and round,
The cogs begin to grind and pound;
A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;
We add some sugar, cream, and spice;
We boil him for a minute more,
Until we're absolutely sure
That all the greed and all the gall
Is boiled away for once and all.
Then out he comes! And now! By grace!
A miracle has taken place!
This boy, who only just before
Was loathed by men from shore to shore,
This greedy brute, this louse's ear,
Is loved by people everywhere!
For who could hate or bear a grudge
Against a luscious bit of fudge?'

Varn Humperdinckle 10 June 2012


26 91 Reply
Alysha Scott 06 June 2012

It's so funny; in every sentence I had a little giggle. I wish I could be as good as you.

78 31 Reply
Oludipe Oyin Samuel 23 June 2012

Whoa! Hahahahahahahahaha. Read Dahl's poetry to make your day- dawn, twilight or night!

77 30 Reply
Yuri Mcanus 11 January 2013


37 65 Reply
Bailey Smith 12 December 2013


35 22 Reply
Marie-Anne 02 October 2020

This is very funny indeed

0 0 Reply
Emily 16 June 2020

This is the best poem I've known ever

3 1 Reply
Ethan 03 February 2020

This is very funny indeed!

4 1 Reply
Alice 06 December 2019

Did you copy it down from a piece of paper or did Rald Daul write it.

4 1 Reply
Shaun Cronick 09 July 2019

Roald is a true master of the art

10 3 Reply
Roald Dahl

Roald Dahl

Cardiff / Wales
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