(brief renderings) Joe Fazio

Committing Suicide. - Poem by (brief renderings) Joe Fazio

Suicide, will that happen to me? It is not I, who will
cause this final act in life, it is the dark side of
who I am. I want to live, however, the monster, who
resides inside me...wants to commit suicide.

Everything I do...everywhere I go, blackness, inevitable
doom, trails me. I hear his voice,
'Do it...commit suicide. You have nothing to live for...do it! '

Alone, I sob. 'What about the people that love me?
I don't want to hurt them.' His voice again...
'Do it. Kill yourself. You'll be doing them a favor.'

I stare at the bottle of sleeping pills. Suicide...suicide,
it seems a way to solve all my problems.
'YES! The voice blared! Suicide is the answer! '

Suicide? No. Yes.No...what...what to do?
I need to talk with someone. Who? No one!
God...if you're up there, help me. Give me
a sign. I wait...Nothing. No word. No sign.

Slowly, I move to the closet, remove my clothes
and slip on my favorite robe. Tears roll down
my cheeks, as I turn on some soft music.

The voice again: 'That's it. Make yourself comfortable,
then...do it! '

I move to the bed, sit down and reach for the glass
of water. With one hand, I snap off the cap on the
bottle of sleeping pills. Slowly, I move the bottle
toward my mouth.

''Ellen...Ellen? '
From outside my bedroom door, I can
hear my little brother calling me.

I hesitate, I don't want him to be the one
that finds me. Quickly, I place the pills
on the nightstand, and replace the cap.
I move to the door and open it.
My brother, is standing there, smiling at me.
'Ellen, watcha ya doin''

I couldn't say committing suicide.
'Just watching a little t.v.'
'Can I come in, ' he said.

I thought about how much he and my family
loved me. I thought about a bunch of other
things I had to be thankful for. I gave serious
about life, and I treasured it. Suicide?
Not tonight.

I look at my little brother and never loved
him more.

'Sure...come in, we'll watch t.v. together.'

© Joe Fazio

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, February 10, 2010

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