Loneliness Poems: 116 / 500

Drafted

Your last breath
Held mine ransomed
Cradled in my arms
I watch life slip
From our together world
Towards your single belief
Of life elsewhere
Helpless in your fathomless calm eyes
I drown dishevelled
Losing you
Your life, love and warmth
To stone stricken grief
Abandonment
Of a crushed paper cup world
Your soul emptying vessel
Betrays my impending enrolment
Of drafted loneliness
I line up obedient
To march heavy hearted
To a new solitary drum
Recruited to the mourning of the living dead

Monday, June 20, 2005
Loneliness Poems: 116 / 500
Topic(s) of this poem: death,grief
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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
C. Michael Miller 28 November 2005

After reading this, I had to step outside into the harsh Gorge winds to feel alive. Then I went back inside, drank a beer and said to myself, 'Not tonight... not tonight.'

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Daniel Brick 06 July 2015

I read all of the comments on this poem before I started typing my own, but in my haste I somehow erased what I typed in a trance of emotion. That's what this poem does - it makes you forget yourself and what you're doing because the emotions the vivid words carry are so completely enveloping. You have given expression to the extremity of loss, as other readers experienced before me. The overarching image of being drafted into lifelong loss/sorrow shows the depth of this human experience. It is bottomless. Your poem is a cry from the heart.

10 0 Reply
Valsa George 28 February 2016

This is indeed a classic write where you draft the overwhelming pain of losing a loved one. After being together for long, one of the pair is slipping into the hands of death and the other is a helpless, mute witness to that scene. The dying is getting ready to seek life elsewhere, thereby the one fated to survive is bereft of the love, life and companionship they together have been enjoying so far. With the death of one, the other is 'enrolled' into a world of abject and morbid loneliness to remain heavy hearted for ever! Perhaps there is greater need to mourn the' living dead' than the deceased. This vacuum caused by the eternal parting makes the other's life- a death in life existence! 'Stone stricken grief', solitary drum, 'living dead', 'crushed paper cup world'- all are powerful images suggesting the banality of life the one fated to live alone has to embrace and the engrossing frustration, grief and meaninglessness there on! A GREAT write!

8 0 Reply
Pamela Sinicrope 28 October 2015

The 'mourning of the living dead' says it all. This insightful monologue displays the broken heart of someone who has lost the one they love dearly. The title and opening lines of the poem, capture the readers’ attention dramatically. The title “Drafted, ” is an ambiguous one…is it a poem about war or drawing? No. The poem opens, 'Your last breath held mine ransomed/cradled in my arms.' Has me imagining two lovers, one in a sick bed, knowing they will go, and the other, 'ransomed, ' or wanting to be there for their every last breath. The title, “Drafted, ” is now understood: it is a person selected for the specific purpose of helping one pass over into death. The next lines, I watch life slip from our together world/towards your single belief of life elsewhere, ' suggests the subject's understanding that soon both will part and go separate ways alone, the sick one believing they are moving on to heaven or a different way of existing. The remainder of the poem highlights the emotion and solitary nature of the situation where the two lovers have absolutely no control. The words, ’ loneliness, helpless, abandonment, grief-stricken, and disheveled, ’ all highlight the situation. My favorite line of the poem, which begs translation into a multitude of meanings is, ‘Abandonment/Of a crushed paper cup world/ Your soul emptying vessel/Betrays my impending enrolment/Of drafted loneliness. A ‘crushed paper cup world’ is an original way of presenting the situation the living subject is in. It is a world, where one in the hospital drinks from disposable cups, never home; a world where people are disposable, where they don’t last; a world where love is crushed through loss and deaf and grief; a world where people drink in love and then move on to a new cup. The line is powerful and will be interpreted differently by the readers. The imagery and figurative language in this poem that puts us into this critical moment of death and loss of love, paints a powerful portrait. Finally, because no human is immune to death, the poem has lasting power and is relatable to everyone. Well done. Thanks for sharing your exquisite writing.

8 0 Reply
Ron Flowers 30 May 2008

Simone, this poem doesn't just touch my heart, it grabs it and hangs on. An excellent read.

6 0 Reply
Robert Murray Smith 30 June 2018

A wonderful poem. As I read it, I reflected on my own experiences. That says it all.++10

1 0 Reply
Susan Williams 22 May 2018

I am here again to be flayed by the intensity of your grief- - I have run out of new poems by you so I revisit the old poems and kneel in the huge magnificent poetic talent that wrote it

1 0 Reply
Howard Simon 16 May 2018

Loaded with loss and pregnant with pain is this wonderful work

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Susan Williams 10 December 2017

I know I've read this before multiple times but the thing is this poem does not lose its intense emotional impact and I cringe knowing this moment comes to all of us at some point and it is devastating and you captured the essence of it and speak for all of us. This poem deserves as many honors as can be bestowed on it.

2 0 Reply
Kumarmani Mahakul 10 October 2017

Death brings grief. Losing any relatives or friend is painful. We feel loneliness in separation. Grief is well expressed in this neatly penned poem...10

1 0 Reply