Elixir Poem by Sandra Martyres


Rating: 5.0

He sipped the elixir
With the same degree
Of guilt or satisfaction
That Adam had
When he bit into
The forbidden apple
Offered to him by Eve

What followed was really
Quite unimaginable for him
He slipped quietly
On to the cold floor
And went into a stupor
And remained so for
Several hours to come

He was totally clueless
That the surrounding tribals
Were furiously beating
Their home made drums
To revive him or awaken him
But right through the ritual
He just remained comatose

His friends looked on
In total fear and dread
Of the weird tale that
They would have to weave
To explain to his folks
That his condition was
The result of a silly bet

Then all of a sudden
Like a breath of fresh air
In a room of tensed people
Something strange occurred
A large vase of flowers
Fell mysteriously
To the ground

The deafening sound
And the cold water
Splashing all around
Seemed to have stirred
The lifeless young man
His eyes opened wide
And he attempted to rise

He friends still suffering
From shock first stared blankly
Like paralysed zombies
Then quickly smashing the glass
Containing the remaining
Elixir they fled the place
Carrying him with them

Gold Fish 17 October 2009

A very engaging piece. Thanks for sharing. Well worth the time.

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Samanyan Lakshminarayanan 17 October 2009

a very interesting narrative...there is a saying in tamil..that an overdose of amirtham is equal to poison..this incident brought that to mind

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Ramesh T A 17 October 2009

Yes, too much of anything is good for nothing even if it is elixir!

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Fay Slimm 17 October 2009

A pen-portrait of the dire consequences to some of taking substances which in doses large enough can maim or kill - - much food for thought here Sandra....10 from Fay

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Kesav Easwaran 18 October 2009

imaginative piece...beauitiful narration...humorous but a bit of enigmatic ending...10

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Patti Masterman 26 October 2009

Yes sometimes we are so fearless just at the wrong time. Enjoyed this tale about the unexpected results that can happen sometimes. Relying entirely on the intellect can cause these odd moments in life..(smile)

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Indira Renganathan 22 October 2009

A mistake of wrong intake....a moment of tensed abashment....a short story narrated in your excellent style....wonderful....thank you Sandra... thanks for your timely comment on my poem too

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Meggie Gultiano 20 October 2009

I was holding my breath from end to end.This is a nice narrative piece. You are very good at it.

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Carl Harris 18 October 2009

This is a quite deftly told and interesting tale, Sandra, which held the reader's attention from beginning to end. I also noted you used seven line verses, and very effectively, too. Your well chosen words spun a fascinating and vivid story and served to showcase your poetic talent wonderfully. Carl.

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Michael Harmon 18 October 2009

The complexities of your syntax, Sandra, help to enliven this suspenseful narrative. Words precisely chosen, as is evident you have done here, are always a pleasure to read. And (as in your 'Diwali') , the opening cross-cultural allusion provides a significant resonance and richness. :)

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