Jesus At Anger Management - Poem by Brian Mayo
My name is Jesus and I’m here because some people seem to think I have a problem with anger.
(chorus of ‘Hi Jesus, Hello Jesus’ from other group members.)
Group Leader Larry: We’re very happy to have you with us Jesus. Can you tell us a little about yourself?
Jesus: Ummm, …not a lot to tell… I’m the son of a carpenter and a fisher of men.
Larry: (confused) I’m sorry, what? Did you say ‘you fish for men’? (group begins murmuring)
Jesus: (startled) No! no… a fisher OF m- oh, never mind; it’s a long story.
Larry: Well, Jesus, why don’t you tell us a little about the circumstances that brought you to anger management?
Jesus: Hey, I don’t really think I have a problem with anger, you know? But a few good friends suggested it might be wise to get a few sessions under my sash before I go in front of the judge.
Larry: (flipping through a sheaf of papers) I didn’t realize you had an impending court appearance. Are you referring to the incident with the moneychangers?
Jesus: Ummm, no. I got off with a slap on the wrist for that one.
Larry: (reading from his notes) I understand you tipped over a small coin-operated fountain and called a family of Philistines “a bunch of filthy goat-sodomizers”…?
Jesus: Those degenerates were selling sex-time with their goat! Right there in the church lobby!
Larry: Still, that’s pretty harsh language. (group murmurs their assent) You must’ve been pretty peeved.
Jesus: (admitting it) Yes, I was. I might not have been so upset, but there was a line for that goat winding around the damn building.
Larry: Ahhh, now we’re getting somewhere! It was the Philistine’s SUCCESS that bothered you!
Jesus: No! Well, yes, but no! I mean, I hated to see so many of my children feeding at the trough of sin...
Larry: You acted that way in front of your KIDS? Oh, man, I wish I hadn’t heard that… I’m required by Roman law to alert Social Services…
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