Brian Mayo

Gold Star - 12,347 Points (1960)

Jesus At Anger Management - Poem by Brian Mayo

My name is Jesus and I’m here because some people seem to think I have a problem with anger.
(chorus of ‘Hi Jesus, Hello Jesus’ from other group members.)

Group Leader Larry: We’re very happy to have you with us Jesus. Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Jesus: Ummm, …not a lot to tell… I’m the son of a carpenter and a fisher of men.

Larry: (confused) I’m sorry, what? Did you say ‘you fish for men’? (group begins murmuring)

Jesus: (startled) No! no… a fisher OF m- oh, never mind; it’s a long story.

Larry: Well, Jesus, why don’t you tell us a little about the circumstances that brought you to anger management?

Jesus: Hey, I don’t really think I have a problem with anger, you know? But a few good friends suggested it might be wise to get a few sessions under my sash before I go in front of the judge.

Larry: (flipping through a sheaf of papers) I didn’t realize you had an impending court appearance. Are you referring to the incident with the moneychangers?

Jesus: Ummm, no. I got off with a slap on the wrist for that one.

Larry: (reading from his notes) I understand you tipped over a small coin-operated fountain and called a family of Philistines “a bunch of filthy goat-sodomizers”…?

Jesus: Those degenerates were selling sex-time with their goat! Right there in the church lobby!

Larry: Still, that’s pretty harsh language. (group murmurs their assent) You must’ve been pretty peeved.

Jesus: (admitting it) Yes, I was. I might not have been so upset, but there was a line for that goat winding around the damn building.

Larry: Ahhh, now we’re getting somewhere! It was the Philistine’s SUCCESS that bothered you!

Jesus: No! Well, yes, but no! I mean, I hated to see so many of my children feeding at the trough of sin...

Larry: You acted that way in front of your KIDS? Oh, man, I wish I hadn’t heard that… I’m required by Roman law to alert Social Services…

Topic(s) of this poem: religion

Form: Prose Poem

Comments about Jesus At Anger Management by Brian Mayo

  • Bri Edwards (11/5/2016 9:36:00 PM)

    i forgot to ask where the line is, but then i read Kelly's comment and saw he beat me to the punch(line?) .

    bri :)

    p.s. important question (at least for me) : male or female goat? ? ?
    (Report) Reply

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  • Bri Edwards (11/5/2016 9:30:00 PM)

    this caused a mild chuckle: Larry: Still, that’s pretty harsh language

    THIS caused a considerable laugh: I’m required by Roman law to alert Social Services…

    someone called Social Services 'on me' when my daughter was about five years old and i was seen
    sitting on an apartment complex lawn with her, holding a dollar (her weekly allowance) in front of her until she gave me a kiss, at which time i gave her the money. well, i think it was good someone was being 'careful'.
    they got my car's license number; they did not know me and we were just visiting someone in the complex.

    i was separated from my first wife, my daughter's mom, and she was summoned to take our daughter to Social Services for a chat. neither of us knew why. somewhat humorous actually. probably my ex (later) didn't think so; no sense of humor! ! !

    you've gifted readers with another great poem, though some Christians may differ in THEIR opinions! in fact, they may want to crucify you.

    bri :) another for MyPoemList.
    (Report) Reply

  • Mike Smith (3/1/2016 10:15:00 AM)

    Satirical, humorous, and entertaining. Reads a bit like a script for some off the wall play. On Wes's comment, I've struggled to decide what is and is not a poem. I think ultimately it comes down to the person reading it. To be as cliche as possible perception is reality. Whether or not it's a poem, in my opinion, is arbitrary. The focal point here is your ability to humanize the most famous figure in history and make him relatable (flawed even) in our mind. Great write. Fun read.
    I wonder if it could be expanded? Part two?
    (Report) Reply

  • Wes Vogler (11/25/2015 12:39:00 AM)

    Interesting concept .. I am thinking of parallel situations and my head is spinning. You are an entertainer, Brian
    It's not a poem though. the 8 is for the conc ept and imagination.
    (Report) Reply

    Brian Mayo (11/25/2015 10:49:00 AM)

    An 8 is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, as my father used to say. Thank you.
    My new motto: Were you not entertained?

  • Kelly Kurt (11/1/2015 11:57:00 AM)

    Crazy stuff, right? Now, where's that goat line? : -) (Report) Reply

    Brian Mayo (11/5/2015 12:08:00 PM)

    Get thee behind me, Satan.
    No, seriously, you're behind me.
    No cuts allowed..

  • Kumarmani Mahakul (11/1/2015 10:35:00 AM)

    Jesus truly manages anger through his power of knowledge and understanding. This is nice, wise and interesting poem shared here on religion topic....10 (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, November 1, 2015

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