Love At First Sight: Poem by Jonathan Maldonado
Love At First Sight:
Happiness sweeps like an unsuspected burst of wind.
Love creeps like the undetected eye in the crowd,
So eager to be seen.
A shy flexing of the lips Whenever our glances intersect.
An unsure walk across the room.
The sounds of my forced stride like the sweeping of a broom.
The hair on my neck stands as I dry the sweat from my hands.
A look up to the eye, belonging to the girl in the crowd,
With a shakey ‘hi' followed by a cough to clear my voice.
This moment is bliss... The parts of a fairytale that most of us miss.
The moment our eyes meet and our souls descend On the infamous fall they call Love.
EHHHHH that was nice super true when that type of thing happens and I would have never thought of saying infamous love I could probably use that in the future. Thanks. So about your poem.... I like it and am in no position to tell you how to flavor your words but I think that you shouldn't really change anything in this poem...maybe putting more spaces or pressing enter at the end of a line so it will be easier to read just an opinion. anyways I really enjoyed the poem: D(Smiley face) -Fox_TaIL-
Hey! I liked this piece, it was sweet and held a lot of unhinged emotion. I saw so many truths and it was nice how it was from a male perspective, made it sweeter. Now I would suggest changing the format, it will give it a more poetic feel and I would also suggest not ending it with the word *love*, for me it took away from this well done piece maybe just use different wording. I mean all with the utmost respect for you and your work and I will add that you are obviously a poet :) -Be Anonymous
Yes i agree it does need to be spaced out, was originally, but i copy/pasted it and the format messed up. Im still trying to figure out the ins and outs of the site having trouble finding out how to edit things on the site. P.s. Thank you everybody for the feed back, should be getting somd more pieces up soon
Back at ya, Jonathan- - You read me, so now I'm reading you again! Yet another lovely romantic piece. I see this one has attracted a little club of admirers! Well done, again!
Thank you again I tend to come and go when it comes to this site but its the safest place for my writing so many have been lost throughout the years some I wish I could get back haha
You've captured the subtle symptoms of attraction in this writing. I like the line, 'The sounds of my forced stride like the sweeping of a broom.' Thanks for sharing your work Jonathon. Enjoy that infamous fall!
The metaphor ‘infamous’ is wonderful when applied to the object ‘fall’. It gives the poem a depth that is nothing short of intriguing. Read mine – The Bloom of Youth – Adeline
This is a great poem, I am glad you wrote this. Thank you for sharing Best wishes Kay-Kay
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/20/2024 12:08:59 AM # 1.0.0.1119
This is one of the best I have read- good job! I give it a 10++++ CAK