poet Bri Edwards

Bri Edwards

Mary's Pet....[humor; Human Nature; Pets; Scary? ; Grade School]

Mary was a little weird, a fact with which you'll soon agree.
And if this story sounds familiar, I hope you'll forgive...ME.
She attended Beavis Elementary, just around the block.
She left for school each school day, by eight a.m. by the clock.

Now, one day was 'Bring a Pet to School With You Day'.....;
that could turn out hectic, but NOT tragic most would say.
After all, what could eight-year-olds bring to class that could break ANY rule? ?
(Soon, you'll find you are wrong, my friend. Mary was weird.... and cruel.)

She could have taken her lamb to school, as in the nursery rhyme.
Her classmates would enjoy it. The thought's almost sublime.
But what instead did Mary take from her home menagerie?
Something cold and sinister that would make even teachers flee!

When Mary got to school that day no one paid her any mind.
(She was weird of course.) That she appeared with no pet was fine.
The day progressed quite nicely with dogs and cats; even one rat.
But Mary fidgeted more than usual in the BACK ROW where she sat.

Now as I said there were lots of cats and dogs (and one guinea pig, some birds):
that day the poor janitor was kept busy, sweeping up their turds.

Each child was given time in class, to show and talk about their pet,
but a half hour before the recess bell, Mary had not talked or shown one......yet!
When she was the last one left, who'd not stood at the teacher's desk,
the teacher, Mrs. Apple, called her up; she thought Mary was a PEST.

'Mary dear' (that's what Apple SAID, though it was NOT.....what she thought)
'you are now the last one, my dear, left to show us what you've brought.'

At that, with a smirk on her face, Mary reached for her cute rear;
one especially precocious boy thought 'her ass? ', with hope but ALSO fear.

So Mary reached down the back of her skirt, and SLOWLY she did take....
a two foot long, glistening-black, Tanzanian hooded cobra snake.

The teacher fled; some children did too, but SOME were mesmerized.
They could NOT believe what Mary had brought though they saw it with their eyes.
The 'Day' was NOT as successful as the principal hoped it'd be.
Five classmates died of cobra bites. Three are still in comas. Hee-hee.

(Nov.2012)

Topic(s) of this poem: pets

Poem Submitted: Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Poem Edited: Wednesday, October 28, 2015

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SCARY MARY IN your class? ? ? ? i would.

i added 'Tanzanian' in june 2014, 'in honor of' of PH poets S. zaynub Kamoonpuri (lives in Tanzania) and J.Brian Johnston (spent two years there in the Peace Corps) . hey, 'S', why is the 'z' a small z? :) bri


After some minor editing (October 2015) , i am about to place this poem into 'a showcase for PH poets' November, Section 'B'.
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Comments about Mary's Pet....[humor; Human Nature; Pets; Scary? ; Grade School] by Bri Edwards

  • Tom Billsborough (8/2/2017 3:26:00 AM)

    Well, Bri, that beats any of my snake poems to bits. It's very funny indeed but you don't specify which orifice Mr Cobra had as a temporary resting place! I suppose you left that up to the reader.. I bet they didn't repeat that bring a Pet to School exercise!

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  • Darlene WalshDarlene Walsh (3/23/2015 4:44:00 PM)

    It was said long ago that Mary had a little lamb, but in different days and different times, Mary became Scary. A very funny poem and I loved the ending (not that I condone violence and tragedy) . My only questions are, Where was she hiding it all day? and Why didn't it bite Mary? I guess Mary was so Scary that even a cobra was afraid of her. And as far as having Scary Mary in my class, I've seen scarier, I've looked in the mirror.

    Darla :)

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  • Darlene WalshDarlene Walsh (3/23/2015 4:42:00 PM)

    It was said long ago that Mary had a little lamb, but in different days and different times, Mary became Scary. A very funny poem and I loved the ending (not that I condone violence and tragedy) . My only questions are, Where was she hiding it all day? and Why didn't it bite Mary? I guess Mary was so Scary that even a cobra was afraid of her.

    Darla :)

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  • Stephen KatonaStephen Katona (3/22/2015 10:41:00 PM)

    Awesome imagination. Very funny!

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  • Eugene LevichEugene Levich (3/18/2014 8:49:00 PM)

    Saints preserve us! You're weirder than Mary! I love it!

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