Bri Edwards

Gold Star - 136,713 Points (some time ago / Earth, i believe)

Being Old: The Advantages And Disadvantages....... [(See The Title): Long; Personal? ; Humour? ]

Poem by Bri Edwards

For my poems, my friend Valsa George has a hunger.
She’s over fifty, but, compared to me, she is younger.
She suggested I write about ‘the advantages of being old’.
It’s a challenge, but, Valsa, on this idea you have sold......
me.

I – The Advantages

Retirement income though you’re done working.
[Why, now, are some of you readers smirking? ]
No alarm clocks waking you for your job.
More time to lie around home.....like a slob.

No more eight hour shifts sitting or standing.
No boss watching you closely, being demanding.
No more rush-hour five times a week.
NO customers to ‘grease’ so they won’t ‘squeak’.

NO children to raise and feed and clothe.
No need to help with homework which you did loathe.
NO need for razor or make-up five days a week.
NO need to be pushy when you’re really meek.

No pressure to stay fit by going each week to gym.
No pressure to diet conscientiously.....to stay slim.
No deciding “Who’s on top tonight? ” when libido goes.
MORE time now for computer and for late TV shows.

More time for those novels you’ve meant to read.
More time to enjoy your garden and more time to weed.
More time to buy lottery tickets at the Seven-Eleven.
Less time to wait for The Judgment..... which may see you to Heaven.

........................................ ..........................

[BUT, I can’t help it, Valsa; I’ve got to write more.
Now about DISadvantages 'you' can also look for.
Of course not all people are equal; you may suffer more than me!
Give us a few more years of growing old and... We... May... See.]

……………………………………………………………………………………………… ……….

II – The Disadvantages

Though you may have income, it may not be enough,
and if your pension plan fizzles....life can get really tough.
Money worries and new pains insomnia may cause.
It may be a losing battle for you against the 'Laws....
of Nature'!

Now hemorrhoids can cause sitting to be much less than fun.
Bad knees don’t allow standing, let alone allow you to run.
Your partner may now become your new UNwelcome boss.
Missing your daily commute may seem like a sad loss.

Grandchildren or even children may come “home to roost”.
They may become a nuisance....which once had been a “boost”.
Now your face and neck (and other parts) begin to sag;
over your head you now may wish to place a bag.

You skip the gym and the diet, but now your body begins to riot.
And when out of shape it’s hard to get back...”in”. Just try it!
You don’t mind and may even enjoy when you lose the urge for sex,
but your partner may not be prepared for the change....and may become your “ex”.

You may have time now, but have lost what’s needed for reading.
You may have all kinds of will, but no way to do the work of weeding.
Lottery tickets may give you hopes, but allow your debts to swell.
AND now you’re CLOSER to The Judgment.....and you may go to Hell! !


(November 11,2013)


Poet's Notes about The Poem

okay! i'm 65. valsa's age (if true) is on her ph page. some of the poem is directly in reference to me but i'm not telling which parts. don't ask about valsa; at least don't ask ME!
hopefully you readers don't experience ALL of the disadvantages; a few MIGHT do you good....maybe not. if you are 'young', take my words as a warning, but don't give up on your life just because of this poem. i think i have other poems to do that. :)

Comments about Being Old: The Advantages And Disadvantages....... [(See The Title): Long; Personal? ; Humour? ] by Bri Edwards

  • Parameswaran Nair Damodaran NairParameswaran Nair Damodaran Nair (3/5/2020 7:44:00 AM)

    The poem is a a clear mirror of advantages and disadvantage of old age though a satire(Report)Reply

    0 person liked.
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  • Thomas CostonThomas Coston (3/2/2020 5:40:00 PM)

    I got a good laugh off of this. " When your partner becomes your new UNwelcome boss." I don't think you have to be retired for that. Honeydo list, anyone? Some would say their home is a second job and going to work is the best part of waking up.(Report)Reply

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  • Michael WalkerMichael Walker (9/1/2019 10:52:00 PM)

    I am over seventy and i agree with your advantages and disadvantages of being elderly.
    Being overweight is more of a problem for me now. My face is changing, going by what I see in the mirror.
    At least I am not the only one.(Report)Reply

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  • A B Faniki (8/10/2019 12:48:00 PM)

    You have me hook from the start and laughing at the end a wonderful poem abt aging . Ty(Report)Reply

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  • Don KubickiDon Kubicki (7/25/2019 11:57:00 PM)

    Old age is chronological. Youth is in the spirit.(Report)Reply

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  • Castellenas JohnCastellenas John (3/17/2019 5:14:00 PM)

    I do understand this poem. A wonderful poem.(Report)Reply

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  • Stuart MunroStuart Munro (3/11/2019 4:00:00 PM)

    I love being old, thanks Bri, , , , I should of been older sooner, I've been missing out, after reading your poem lol(Report)Reply

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  • Tom Allport (1/3/2019 11:46:00 AM)

    A brilliant right that just goes to show the fors and against of getting old CAN be humorously told? ......good one Buddie!(Report)Reply

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  • Stuart MunroStuart Munro (1/2/2019 3:32:00 AM)

    Bri, I gather your old, yes i am too, , , , as I make a frequent visit to the loo
    I reading your poem, , , as I stoop to relieve, , , I'm thinking what an act poem, as I live and still breath, ,(Report)Reply

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  • Geraldine KellyGeraldine Kelly (8/26/2018 9:06:00 PM)

    Great humour! Content is fab.(Report)Reply

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  • Sally Plumb Plumb (8/20/2018 8:17:00 AM)

    Brilliant! I’m 78..Everyting nowadays is in slow motion. Keep your’e pen moving. Best regards Sally.(Report)Reply

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  • Valentin SavinValentin Savin (5/27/2018 3:12:00 AM)

    The last line should be: Be happy and live till you die, -nilly. (Report)(Report)Reply

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  • Valentin SavinValentin Savin (5/27/2018 3:01:00 AM)

    Well done. Good humour. I totally agree with you. Live and let others live. Don't stay in anybody else’s way and you'll be safe and sound. Be happy and live till you die,
    - nilly.(Report)Reply

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  • Valentin SavinValentin Savin (5/27/2018 3:00:00 AM)

    Well done. Good humour. I totally agree with you. Live and let others live. Don't stay in anybody elses way and you'll be safe and sound. Be happy and live till you die, -nilly.(Report)Reply

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  • Rose Marie Juan-austinRose Marie Juan-austin (5/23/2018 8:54:00 AM)

    I am always enraptured by the cleverness of this write. Very funny. So entertaining! ! !
    I concur with the wisdom of Perdita ' s comment.
    A 2 in 1 poem.....laughter and knowledge.(Report)Reply

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  • Britte NinadBritte Ninad (5/16/2018 5:27:00 AM)

    humor in colloquial style.....great(Report)Reply

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  • Alam SayedAlam Sayed (5/14/2018 12:16:00 PM)

    You are a good rhymer and a great humorist. Enjoyed it.(Report)Reply

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  • Perdita YoungPerdita Young (4/22/2018 5:15:00 AM)

    Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20...(Report)Reply

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  • Perdita YoungPerdita Young (4/22/2018 5:13:00 AM)

    Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.(Report)Reply

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  • Perdita YoungPerdita Young (4/22/2018 5:12:00 AM)

    Such a witty and lighthearted poem about old age. With retirement comes the freedom from loaded jobs, and the retired people can then enjoy good life if they remain young at heart and stay healthy and vigorous...I remember reading an essay by Samuel Ullman entitled: Youth. Here pasted to share with friends:(Report)Reply

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Poem Edited: Tuesday, November 12, 2013