Being Old: The Advantages And Disadvantages....... [(See The Title): Long; Personal? ; Humour? ] Poem by Bri Edwards

Being Old: The Advantages And Disadvantages....... [(See The Title): Long; Personal? ; Humour? ]

Rating: 4.9

For my poems, my friend Valsa George has a hunger.
She’s over fifty, but, compared to me, she is younger.
She suggested I write about ‘the advantages of being old’.
It’s a challenge, but, Valsa, on this idea you have sold......

I – The Advantages

Retirement income though you’re done working.
[Why, now, are some of you readers smirking? ]
No alarm clocks waking you for your job.
More time to lie around a slob.

No more eight hour shifts sitting or standing.
No boss watching you closely, being demanding.
No more rush-hour five times a week.
NO customers to ‘grease’ so they won’t ‘squeak’.

NO children to raise and feed and clothe.
No need to help with homework which you did loathe.
NO need for razor or make-up five days a week.
NO need to be pushy when you’re really meek.

No pressure to stay fit by going each week to gym.
No pressure to diet stay slim.
No deciding “Who’s on top tonight? ” when libido goes.
MORE time now for computer and for late TV shows.

More time for those novels you’ve meant to read.
More time to enjoy your garden and more time to weed.
More time to buy lottery tickets at the Seven-Eleven.
Less time to wait for The Judgment..... which may see you to Heaven.


[BUT, I can’t help it, Valsa; I’ve got to write more.
Now about DISadvantages 'you' can also look for.
Of course not all people are equal; you may suffer more than me!
Give us a few more years of growing old and... We... May... See.]


II – The Disadvantages

Though you may have income, it may not be enough,
and if your pension plan can get really tough.
Money worries and new pains insomnia may cause.
It may be a losing battle for you against the 'Laws....
of Nature'!

Now hemorrhoids can cause sitting to be much less than fun.
Bad knees don’t allow standing, let alone allow you to run.
Your partner may now become your new UNwelcome boss.
Missing your daily commute may seem like a sad loss.

Grandchildren or even children may come “home to roost”.
They may become a nuisance....which once had been a “boost”.
Now your face and neck (and other parts) begin to sag;
over your head you now may wish to place a bag.

You skip the gym and the diet, but now your body begins to riot.
And when out of shape it’s hard to get back...”in”. Just try it!
You don’t mind and may even enjoy when you lose the urge for sex,
but your partner may not be prepared for the change....and may become your “ex”.

You may have time now, but have lost what’s needed for reading.
You may have all kinds of will, but no way to do the work of weeding.
Lottery tickets may give you hopes, but allow your debts to swell.
AND now you’re CLOSER to The Judgment.....and you may go to Hell! !

(November 11,2013)

okay! i'm 65. valsa's age (if true) is on her ph page. some of the poem is directly in reference to me but i'm not telling which parts. don't ask about valsa; at least don't ask ME!
hopefully you readers don't experience ALL of the disadvantages; a few MIGHT do you good....maybe not. if you are 'young', take my words as a warning, but don't give up on your life just because of this poem. i think i have other poems to do that. :)
Achill Lad 07 October 2014

Well done, Bri, you've told the world how I feel. Enjoyed the humour, nice one.

4 2 Reply
Bri Edwards 17 October 2023

And now you, Achill, are probably DEAD! : (

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Sochukwu Ivye 03 October 2017

Haha. From the king of pun himself. It's a clear mirror of aging and senility. I was mostly appetized by the poet's humour with which he weaves his verses each time. A clear window to the unmet age. Well done, poet.

3 0 Reply
Bri Edwards 17 October 2023

I see comments today form 53? poets. THANKS TO ALL. : ) AND THANKS TO PH FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE ON THIS SITE. bri : )

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Dr Dillip K Swain 16 October 2023

One faces a lot of difficulties at this stage of life. However, a wise person can realise the beauty of life through his or her acquired experiences and knowledge...a brilliant poem

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Koffi Sossou 08 September 2023

It a life story. Old people wish they were still young, young people pray God to grant them long life to be old someday. But anytime I read Mr. Edwards, he is just a five year old kid with many years of experience. That's why he will never die, because we will read him forever.

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Bri Edwards 17 October 2023

Stop, Koffi, STOP! ! My wife sometimes says I'm 5 years old, but she's 70 years off in her estimate. NOW, if I could only go backwards all the way back to my childhood, my 1st one. I might skip the marriages.

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Bri Edwards 05 November 2022

Thanks to....ALL READERS and commenters of my poem, PAST, PRESENT, or FUTURE. Special thanks for HONEST comments, bri : )

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anais vionet 20 August 2022

You had a job where you had to worry about being fit? Were you a model? A star? An Actor (do they ever retire?)

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Bri Edwards 16 March 2023

Why, anais, you thought I was writing JUST about ME? ? ! Well, I had to be fit enough on my job, but I didn't wear makeup. ;) bri

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Bri Edwards

Bri Edwards

Earth, i believe
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