Senryu 1 - Ashen Hair Submerges Poem by Souren Mondal
Senryu 1 - Ashen Hair Submerges
Falling autumn leaves
My ashen hair submerges
In noisy children
Frankly, I hate writing anything that requires a specific metre. It usually curbs down my thinking, which is a little not-so-well organised at best, and chaotic at worst. Still, here is a shot at the ancient Japanese form..
Souren Mondal
February 11,2016
Fantastic senryu to begin with.....Any format is limitation to our creative thinking yet at times it does help us in certain manner.
Thank you Asim.. I had not tried this at all.. I hope I get better at it - :)
First attempt, so beautiful and amazing! I am waiting for many more in future. Come on.
Thank you Akhtar sahab.. I will try my best do follow this up with more - :)
I need to express my gratitude toward Wes Voglar who suggested me to correct the title from 'Senryu 1' to 'Senryu 1 - Ashen Hair Submerges'... And now, I wait for Kelly's comment... Com'on Kelly, telly me what you think of this effort! ! !
A precise description of old age that is a period of nostalgia. An old person is thinking of the past even in the midst of children's noise. To use autumn as a metaphor for old age is spot on. As for senryu, frankly I know nothing about that. I can only comment on the feel n essence of the poem. well done Mondal.
Thank you very much Nosheen.. Frankly, I, too, have no idea about metrical poetry in details.. But I am just trying to figure this out.. In an unknown territory/ I walk moody and solitary [just forced rhyme] :)
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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5/7/2024 12:33:56 AM # 1.0.0.1119
I know next to nothing about metrical poems myself, so I can't help you out in that regard. What I will say, is that in 17 syllables you've achieved something of beauty. That, in and of itself, is commendable. Well done sir