So I Ran Away - Poem by Savita Tyagi
So I ran away
Not knowing how hard it would be, or not caring to know
You pleaded for me not to go
We have something good going on
I know there is a bit of ice on the surface
We are under the weather
But the spring will come
The ice will melt
And the stream of love will flow again
You kept repeating again and again
But in my haste I only saw my need to get away
I was chocking under the weight of this love forever
Needed to find the little "I"
So I told you
I was going to break away with the past
In that moment of rush I did not stop to find the answer
I packed my things with a pretense of false urgency
Intentionally leaving the things behind
That would remind me of life with you
I stole a glance at your face
Hoping that you would not notice my doing so
I did not want to hurt you
But had to brush aside every thing that would remind me of you
Saying a frigid goodbye, I stole a glance again
To see you standing, leaning against the door
My heart was aching
But I could not dare to turn and watch you crying
Or so I imagined you to be doing as you look at the dust swirls of empty road
We would move on
Again I pretended to be strong and casual about it.
Now in my room alone, with my suitcase open
Why do I see you everywhere?
Honey! You want some water?
I hear you say as I open the door of refrigerator to get the water bottle out
Standing in bathroom, brushing my teeth
I hear you lodge a complain in my ear
I hate this toothpaste flavor
Tomorrow I would buy a new one
Silently I heard myself echoing your words
Changing to my nightgown, I thought
This seems to be getting old; I must buy a new one
I couldn't bring myself to accept that
I can still feel your hands caressing me through the softness of nightgown.
In my dreams I see you again and again
Sitting on the bed holding the phone in your hands
I hear a whisper floating over the planes of time and space
A faint calling touching my heart
Making me restless
I wake up perspiring
In the darkness of my room
I tried to feel your presence by my side
The phone, the chair, the gown over it, the air out side
Every thing was still and shadowed by the darkness of night
But I felt like passing through a storm.
I have spent days wandering aimless on the streets of this strange town
In a daze I walk around stores
Reaching for a dress I hold my hand half way back ignoring the voice stalking me
Why don't you try it honey.
I drink my coffee alone in café, tormented by the screams of my heart
And the deception of my wandering eyes
Trying to lure somebody to join me over my table
In my dreams I feel you beside me.
Despite all my efforts to brush your memories aside
You haven't left an inch of me.
Across the mountains over the oceans
You have found your way to be with me
I can still feel the intensity of your love
Of those sweet tender moments
When we were together.
The passion that you carried in your voice
When you said,
You are mine forever
Not just tonight or tomorrow
Not just in this life but life after life
I would be with you no matter which corner of the world you are in
I had laughed hard on your proclamations
Do you really believe in life after death or reincarnation? I had asked
Why not? Believing in existence beyond the state called Death like believes in the word called Hope
You don't question its validity- Do you?
In my desire to live for the moment
I had paused only for a second to reconcile with your thoughts
Now seeing you in my dreams
Hearing those endless voices
Coming from the corner of my heart
That I never knew existed
I just wonder, is there such a thing as for ever?
Are we united with each other beyond our physical existence?
What lies beneath the conscious moments of past and present?
Was there some truth in your words?
Are my dreams reflections of my desires?
Or is it a solemn evidence of your love
Crossing the boundaries of time and space to reach me
Am I dreaming of you to clear the confused state of my mind
Or is it the stream of your love flowing to its destination on its own accord?
Sweet and cooling as it ever was
Tonight in the darkness of my room I long for you
Tonight pulled away by some magical energy
The past seems to melt away in present and
Melting away with it are all my doubts and my questions
Alone in my room I feel like I have never been closer to you
That loving you has never been so easy
A dense fog lifted from my mind I want to go back to sleep
Hoping to be with you
The distinction between reality and imagination
Has never been so blurred
Dreams have never been so sweet
There has never been a better place to find solace for my restless spirit.
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