Naila Rais

Sombre, Weeping Rife...

Sick, thin walking with stick,
Nothing to eat, thrown vittles she lick,
Stomach inside, the soul cries,
Crossing the roads, balance she tries,
Tears in her eyes, sombre lies,
Begging for belly, her heart shies...

She falls a several times,
But no one came on time...

Trying to crawl with a curvy bone,
Once, she also runs, that's all too gone,
Years ago she was a don,
But now she resides, outside the lawn,
On the footpath or under a tree,
Wherever she go, her life is free...

Nothing to think of she,
Long lasting pain she bears in knee...

Munching a apple half rotten,
About she, her child forgotten,
Lying in the dirt, she cries,
Dying for love and happiness she tries,
Thrown out of her own home,
Now, lonely she roam...

Rag, untidy clothes she wear,
No one to help her, as no dear...

Then came a traveler or a immortal,
Who took she, to her own hotel,
She gave food, she gave her love,
With the happiness, clothes she served,
The she sang the song for her,
The heart touching music that I never heard...

She turned my life,
From darkness to light...

May almighty bless you,
And make your future bright,
To make you always shine,
As on your face, smile always line,
Never you feel alone, are blessings mine,
Don't be sad, Yah I am all FINE...

Topic(s) of this poem: old age , spiritual

Poem Submitted: Tuesday, May 8, 2018

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Comments about Sombre, Weeping Rife... by Naila Rais

  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 7:35:00 PM)

    p.s. (ha ha)

    i don't think " Rife/rife" is in the body of the poem. That's ok, but i'd overlooked that.

    i think Naila is using this definition of " rife" :

    " adverb
    adverb: rife

    in an unchecked or widespread manner."

    So, i guess someone was doing a 'heck' of a lot of crying/weeping! !


    No, she did NOT mean to type " Sombre, Weeping Rice" ...i don't think.

    bri

    :)

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 7:29:00 PM)

    8 –

    Still stanza 9:

    exclamation: yeah/yeh: nonstandard spelling of yes, representing a pronunciation."

    I'M ALMOST DONE HERE! !

    Naila (i misspelled as " Nails" at first try!) i believe will only be improving her already very good English skills as she keeps on moving in the world of poetry/writing. I understand what she is saying, which i wish i could do with all poems! ! There are some 'minor problem areas' she can work on.

    to MyPoemList

    bri

    :)

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 7:18:00 PM)

    7 –

    Still stanza 9:

    I think i would break the stanza into two sentences, the 2nd like this:

    " And never feel alone; these are blessings, mine.
    Don't be sad, Yah I am all FINE.."

    BUT i think you mean, not " Yah" , but...." Yeah" or " Yeh" . ***

    *** " exclamation • noun informal

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 7:16:00 PM)

    5 –

    Unlike Poet Poet, in one of her comments, I DO BELIEVE that ‘teaching’ should be/is allowed in poem comments. I do it in order to be helpful to both the author(s) and her/his readers. Some poets don’t like me “suggesting/critiquing”. If they tell me that I can NOT DO it. ;)

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 7:15:00 PM)

    6-

    stanza 9: generally, if one refers to God, i think one would use " the Almighty/Almighty"

    i'd type " smiles" always line ...or just " smiles line" , as you already mentioned " always" once. nice way of putting it.

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 7:13:00 PM)

    5 –

    Unlike Poet Poet, in one of her comments, I DO BELIEVE that ‘teaching’ should be/is allowed in poem comments. I do it in order to be helpful to both the author(s) and her/his readers. Some poets don’t like me “suggesting/critiquing”. If they tell me that I can NOT DO it. ;)

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 4:40:00 PM)

    4 –

    Still stanza 7:
    " an" immortal

    [with few exceptions [[e.g. sometimes before a word starting with an " h" ]], use " an" before a word starting with a vowel, and use " a" before a word starting with a consonant. vowels are a, e, i, o, & u (and sometimes " y" ;) ]


    i suggest you search online for rule about " a" and " an" before words starting with " h" ; there is some disagreement about it.

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 4:38:00 PM)

    3 -

    title: Sombre (or Somber) :

    " oppressively solemn or sober in mood; grave."

    stanza 6:

    " Raggy/Ragged"

    add " s" to wear

    maybe " , she has no Dear" ?

    stanza 7:


    took " her" , not she

    " with happiness"

    [typo] 'then" she

    " my" ! ! ! This IS a surprise! !

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 3:51:00 PM)

    2 -

    stanza 4:

    " Nothing to think of she, " if you mean: " she has nothing to think of" i'd use a comma also BEFORE " she" .

    stanza 5: I'd use " an" in front of apple, according to rules i learned 50+ yrs. ago. ;)

    " About she, her child forgotten, " i think:
    " About her, her child has [or child's] forgotten"

    use a comma after " Dying"

    add " s" to roam

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  • Bri EdwardsBri Edwards (12/4/2019 3:39:00 PM)

    1 -

    stanza 1:

    " lick" add " s"

    i assume " lies" is the verb, not noun, here

    stanza 2: no " a"

    " shies" maybe?

    " (especially of a horse) start suddenly aside in fright at an object, noise, or movement"

    stanza 3: " curvy bone" ? ?

    " don" : " a university teacher" i never heard of this def.

    " she go" add " es" to go

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  • Angelica BustleAngelica Bustle (3/5/2019 1:43:00 PM)

    Of old age, circle of existence, misery in life and absolution in death, lack of goal in our being and yet we still are.
    I've read you are a Gemini, guess that explains your good works ;)
    Thank you very much for sharing!

    Blessings,
    A. Bustle

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  • M Asim NehalM Asim Nehal (3/2/2019 11:34:00 AM)

    Your poem reminded me, 036.068 If We grant long life to any, We cause him to be reversed in nature: Will they not then understand? Sura Yasin. A fantastic poem on old age.10++++

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    Naila RaisNaila Rais(3/3/2019 10:11:00 AM)

    Thank you sir.....for ur views...
    Naila

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  • Me Poet Yeps PoetMe Poet Yeps Poet (3/2/2019 6:30:00 AM)

    MY COMMENT PH DID NOT PRINTWHY PH

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  • Me Poet Yeps PoetMe Poet Yeps Poet (3/2/2019 6:28:00 AM)

    MY comment PH did not print Will wait then resend again NR

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  • Me Poet Yeps PoetMe Poet Yeps Poet (3/2/2019 6:27:00 AM)

    OOOOOO SPL 9/10 PLUS
    MY VOTE

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    Naila RaisNaila Rais(3/2/2019 7:19:00 AM)

    Ok........

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  • Me Poet Yeps PoetMe Poet Yeps Poet (3/2/2019 6:24:00 AM)

    This is very beautiful sensitive and sympathetic poetry Glad so many read it at least 10 and appreciated I know this forum of PH is not to teach butI wish you could edit a bit some basics you will know as you ask your friends also
    Or sms me to help edit it you are now on the path of poetic glory..WELL DONE STLL I GIVE U 10 PLUS A VOTE HERE TIS SENT LOVELY PIECE OF POETRY I C
    Thanks for inviting this oldy

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    Naila RaisNaila Rais(3/2/2019 7:18:00 AM)

    Thnx......
    Yah, your edits are welcomed....

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  • Dr Tony BrahminDr Tony Brahmin (11/27/2018 6:46:00 AM)

    Tears in her eyes, sombre lies,
    Begging for belly, her heart shies. Dying for love and happiness she tries, Then came a traveler or a immortal, this is resembling the good samaritan story which Jesus told.
    a very fine poem with so much of philanthropy. thank u dear poetess. Naila
    Thrown out of her own home,
    Now, lonely she roam...

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  • Edward Kofi LouisEdward Kofi Louis (5/30/2018 1:47:00 PM)

    Life's journey! !

    Growing up!

    With the muse of love and life.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  • Yashmitha SadasivuniYashmitha Sadasivuni (5/19/2018 3:01:00 AM)

    This is a very thoughtful poem....Its so touchy...Well written
    All the best!

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  • Kostas LagosKostas Lagos (5/9/2018 11:56:00 AM)

    A really beautiful, sensitive poem.Excellent!

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