Strung-Out Poem by Lara W.A

You know Girl,
I was dying this morning,
I bet you didn’t know,
I was too busy cracking jokes,
Too engaged in keeping my shaking-thoughts occupied.

Tired of living in a fake community,
They’re beasts in disguise;
Always ready to launch their dirty propagandas.
Sick of waking up in the morning,
And having to breathe the untasteful, polluted air.
Had enough of being a helpless me;
Smiling with all my might,
But that’s just me imitating.

And the morning traffics – now don’t mention it,
They make me want to vomit.
Insane, annoying drivers on the highway,
They honk at every opportunity.
Lost integrity,
If found, please return.

Then it was lunch time,
I took you to a McDonald’s drive-through,
We hung out, all the five of us
In your non-spacey room,
Lusting over Cheeseburgers and McChickens.
Saturated fats and cholesterols didn’t bother us at all.
One fulfilling brunch,
And our stomachs sang no more melancholic songs.

We spoke of our intangible hopes,
Distracting you from hearing of my tortured soul.
We bad-mouthed my brother’s girlfriend,
And made fun of her ridiculously flirtatious pose on Friendster.
We played tarot cards,
You showed me your David Blaine skills,
And read out my weekly predictions.

An easy, laid-back afternoon,
Sorrows were forgotten,
All the meaningless remained unfixed.
Forget it, I won’t bare to you,
I'm keeping this safe distance.
I copied your homework,
Knowing that you wouldn’t mind.

Back in the classroom,
Dysfunctionality;
It came to me again.
Hopelessness wrapping up around me,
Suffocating my sensibility,
And refusing to let go.
Even that R.E.M song wouldn’t heal me this time.
I felt like a ghost.
I possessed that same helplessness,
Can feel but cannot reach out.

I thought you needed to hear it,
And my tongue needed to express it,
So I spelled out my will in my most parental tone:
“You know, when I’m gone –
Please do take care of yourself.”
You knew I was joking,
You knew I half meant it.
But you cried anyway,
Your tears were visible for all to see.

Shocked by your reaction,
I belittled your good heart,
I denied your sincere gesture;
“Oh My God! You know what?
You’re so freaking sensitive!
I think you need help! ”

(There, a useful advice from somebody who needed a professional help)

But Girl,
I wish I could tell you this,
I wish I could be normal and write you a thank-you note.
You saved me today.
You answered the one question I needed to know,
Thank you for showing that someone actually cared...
(I guess i'm not that unworthy after all...)