Sun Tzu’s Art Of War (Newly Revised & Updated) Poem by Michael Philips

Sun Tzu’s Art Of War (Newly Revised & Updated)

Rating: 5.0

When your rationale for going to war
turns out to be false,
claim that you would have
gone to war anyway.
If critics question your rationale,
label them liberals and question their patriotism.

When one of your aides
is found to have been particularly vocal
about the nonexistent threat,
promote her to Secretary of State.
When poor intelligence leads you into war,
award a medal of honor to the intelligence chief.
When one of your aides is found to have
provided written support for torturing prisoners of war,
promote him to Attorney General.
(Also claim that they were not technically “prisoners of war, ”
so you can treat them however you want.)

Ignore important global institutions
in order to teach your enemy that
he cannot ignore important global institutions.
If critics question this hypocrisy,
claim that they are supporting the enemy leader.

Make sure you have allies in your war so that
you can call the troops “coalition forces, ”
even if 95% of the “allies” are offering only token troops.
If critics question whether you have a true coalition,
claim that the critics are besmirching the good names
of those allied countries.

If your major allies refuse to join you in the war,
ridicule them, boycott them, call them old-fashioned,
and claim that they have ulterior motives.
But be sure to praise them when you crawl back to them
to ask for money to help pay for rebuilding.

When the war is becoming far more expensive than anticipated,
point out that the cost is only a fraction of the nation’s GDP.
Of course, when you want to cut the funding for a social program,
simply claim that it is too expensive
regardless of it’s miniscule share of the GDP.

Always be dismissive of the critics of your war.
No matter what they say,
label them liberals and question their patriotism.
Claim that if they disagree with you,
then by definition they are on the side of the enemy.
You must paint them as being unsupportive of the troops
even though their objective is to save the lives of the troops.
If your critics wave the nation’s flag,
you must wave it even more.
Suggest that since you believe Jesus to be your savior,
then by definition you cannot make errors in moral judgment
and thus the war is morally correct.
Never apologize.
You have nothing to apologize for.
Never admit mistakes
They are not mistakes if you don’t recognize them as such.

Michael Shepherd 25 June 2008

Some poems deserve to be famed. They're the ones that don't get famed..

1 0 Reply
M S 18 October 2006

label them liberals and question their patriotism... We bow to your wisdom, sansei, and are still waiting for the updat of the Prince

1 0 Reply
Paul Wright 30 September 2005

final verse, line 7...inser the word 'to' before 'save'...this is scathing and what a fantastic idea to mirror 'The Art of War'. this is my absolute favourite of yours. it is an uncompromising classic. brilliant, Michael.

1 0 Reply
Rich Hanson 02 February 2005

I'd laugh if it weren't so frightening.

0 0 Reply
Lenchen Elf 02 February 2005

Nice one Michael: -) for your next piece may I suggest Machiavellis's The Prince, another old favourite here: -)

0 0 Reply
Error Success