The Big Bang (Journal Entry) Poem by Amberlee Carter

It happened in the time it took him
to go from putting on his left sock
to tying his right shoelace.
I’d quit loving him-
So when he asked where’ve you been?
I took little notice of the tone of his voice
or the way his cheeks filled up with blood
and his eyes burned with a color of sweet emancipation.
So it was no surprise when he didn’t believe my lie
that I had spent all night driving around the valley
trying to strangle the moment everything had turned from
vibrant to apathetic.
But he knew in truth I had been at the spot at the edge of
the canyon where we’d walked to on our first date,
where I had leaned over the railing and teased him
about saving me if I dove from the platform
and gave myself back to earth.
Then I laughed hysterically at the expression on his face,
harder than granite.
And what he didn’t know was the secret about to be born
of his disapproval of my need for chaos in the cosmos
to feel at home in this world and my addiction to dying;
every moment since then, when I look at him;
I feel my soul diving to its death on the surface of his face.