Biscuit Collection

Thoughts Of A Confused Mind - Poem by Biscuit Collection

It’s one in the morning and still, here I am awake, lying in bed, and staring at the ceiling… not really seeing. My mind is wandering though not really thinking. Thoughts came by me, and desperately I tried to grasp them, hoping that they would somehow fill in the empty spaces inside my head. The more I ponder, the more these thoughts tangle up. So much questions and yet, answers there are none.

I tried to hide from it all. I tried to run away. But shadows kept hunting me, vast memories kept returning to me. I tried to shut my eyes, but then, the more the memories pour. So, I tried not to close them but I kept seeing you and the pain intensifies.

I turned on the radio, to ease the pain a bit, but the songs reminded me of how it used to be. So I turned the radio off, but the music remained, and repeated itself over and over into my head. The lines and tune meshed with thoughts within.

The harder I try to elude these thoghts, the more pronounced they become. Nowhere to escape, nowhere to run, confusion inside me grows. All I have are pieces of a puzzle, whose sides could never fit. The hollow space gets bigger and bigger as thoughts continue to mound.

Sleepless nights came and passed by me, but still, memories of you refuse to fade. There are times when I would wake in the middle of the night crying for reasons I could only guess. Part of me wanted you back, but the other part wanted to be strong. I don’t know how long I could get on with this. I’m not sure if I would ever get on with this. Maybe, I would never get over this and perhaps, the pieces would never fit.

I wondered when the hurting would end. I wondered when the shadow would leave. I fear of when the dawn set in, and still, I struggle for sleep. I dread for what tomorrow holds and if by then I’d still be lost.

Till then, till then I will be strong. And somehow soon the wounds shall heal. Never again will these phantoms stalk. Never again shall I miss a sleep. So till then, till then I will be strong. Somehow soon these thoughts would hush, the tangles would mend, and memories be blurred. Perhaps, I may never know what answers I tried to seek. But by then, who knows? It may not even matter.

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Read poems about / on: hunting, sleep, pain, music, fear, lost, memory, running, hope

Poem Submitted: Monday, June 6, 2005

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