(136) Every Victory Is Momentary (Silssa 1983 - 99) Poem by premji premji
(136) Every Victory Is Momentary (Silssa 1983 - 99)
Am I mad?
Many things are piercing
Their sharp arrows on my soul, my body
And my life..
Madness is flying around
And I want to throw it away…
I can’t resist all these sorrows…
I don’t know what is surrounding me…
Anyway, it’s not giving me peace…
Why God?
Why are you giving me all these?
All my friends are enjoying their victory
And I am enjoying my unlucky fate!
I am trying very hard to get out of this…
But, God is not giving strength to my mind…
Whenever I gather strength,
Another blow is coming through
Its usual way!
I know, that is life’s way!
My mother,
Today her heart is
Splitting like a fallen dewdrop…
So many dreams on me she had…
Always expected me to win a rank
But now,
The day which she wished to
Celebrate by distributing sweets,
She is sitting with very empty eyes
And an empty heart near me..
The day which she wished to
See her daughter like
The Sun of happiness,
She is seeing her face,
With not even a single hair,
Not even capable of walking herself….
I want to die...
God…Please kill me…
Kill me please…
I beg you…
I pray you…
Silssa (1983 – 1999)
My sister scribbled this poem behind her prescription with a pencil. She got 542 out of 600 in Secondary school leaving certificate examination. She studied in Saint Teresa’s School, Ernakulam. She was just fifteen… Everyone asked her not to write, except me. She wrote the examinations with mortal pain and mental pain without any preparation. Why God, why did you torment her with such a disease called ‘Ewing’s sarcoma’? I cannot remember the way you cried out when our car crossed the gate of Regional Cancer Center. You remain a bruise in my soul. Without you, I am like a fish thrown out of water to a molten sand bed!
Every victory is pregnant with a seed of failure.......Carl Jung...........a good write.........
Premji It is Heartbreaking words from your sweet little sister I cant even type few words to this column, my eyes are welled up. I don’t know how you all survived after her ‘Leaving’
life is not gifted to all....... sorrow and grief always beat us and break our back bone........ every victory always momentory when we realise almost life depart us..... I feel the grief and pain in me........
Brave sister she was. She knew her final exit and perhaps went for catharsis by psychic euthanasia. Brave I say again Same I’m doing [ten votes] as did in your poem no 133. My heart felt prayer for your sister at the lotus feet of Ramakrishna for her solace. dr.sakti
Silssa's lucky to hav such a lovin' brother like u... n she must b watching from above n surely b happy to see people reading her wonderful poems... people die but their memories n works remain in hearts forever...........
Silsa, , , , , , , , premji, , , i want to write something....i don't know... i can't.. i remain with watered eye.......i can't see anything...... for the brilliant and gifted child...........my hearty prayer to u.....
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12/5/2025 7:11:58 AM # 1.0.0
I can not write...Prem I weep for you for me Who are left behind With weighing pain... Leena