An Old Man Speaks To A Teenager! Poem by Navod Jayasuriya
An Old Man Speaks To A Teenager!
''In my youth, '' commenced the old man,
''I encountered so many things'',
''And of course, I was highly imbued with feelings of love and joy''.
Dwelling upon each other, the old man continued.
''That's quite obviously the same, '' replied Charlie,
''Like in your old days, I also have rollicking times'',
''Playing with the frolicsome lambs during day-break'',
''And reveling in singing songs at eventide''.
With a simple sign of reaction,
The old man greeted by laughing,
And then he continued speaking.
''By the time I was your age'',
''I was gregarious and had so many companions around'',
''We used to play on the green field ground'',
''There was a dune besides full of heather'',
''And we gathered and played in summery weather''.
With curiosity and great inquisitiveness,
Charlie was on tenterhooks,
When the old man ceased speaking,
Charlie started asking questions.
''Didn't you even try embarking on something new? '',
''Didn't you even play with the lambs in the morning dew? '',
''Were the companions you had a motley crew? '',
''And what's more about the love you had in your youth? ''.
''It was a day lying on April'',
The old man started with a high-pitched voice,
''We all were tenaciously determined and were in sync'',
''Having strong anticipations of climbing the lofty dune''.
''We spent the whole day climbing the hill'',
''Which we expected that we could with strong will'',
''And there were six companions'',
''Three lassies and three lads'',
''Who finally became knackered climbing the dune''.
''Who were the three lasses? '',
At a glance, Charlie asked,
That question put the old man in a serene mood,
Made him fall into a contemplative hush,
Until Charlie asked another,
The old man remained silent.
''Was there the lass you adored the most? '',
The old man was dumbfounded by the question,
And then he continued replying,
''Oh yes, she was there with us'',
''With significant pulchritude'',
''And an exceptional glide'',
''With shiny grey locks thick and long'',
''Finally, you've arrived at the point'',
''What happened next? '',
''Didn't you tell her that you truly loved her? ''.
''After such a long time, where's she now? '',
After the questions, he inquired,
Charlie could discern a sense of lamentation,
In the old man's eyes when observed,
And then his grandfather replied at last.
''I think it's enough for today'',
''I will unravel everything another day'',
''It's already late for bed'',
With some tears in his eyes,
And with some hidden horrors within,
The old man replied.
A fascinating storyline in your poem is sublime and ignited the urge to read till the very end, at this tender age you have show maturity in your writing, however some fine tuning is required to make it more effective. I thoroughly enjoyed thanks for inviting me to read the wonderful poem, awaiting for part -2, Navod...10+++
Thank you for appreciating Mohammed. I will compose the part 2 and invite you...
To sum up, I agree with Kelly, Navod. However, I see that all the poems you've posted up to now are long ones.. I think that you should try writing short poems, where the metaphoric image sums up in a few words an entire essay.. It can be a challenging task, but it helps to focus on the meaning of 'Poetry' and what it represents for the poet's soul.
A VERY LOVELY METAPHORICAL STORY BUT WHO GOES UP THE HILL LIKE JACK AND JILL NOW ALL KNOW IT YOU TOO POET THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY HAVE YOU EVER READ ME
the story of life where every moment faced varieties experience/// extraordinary long narrated poem penned; superb I enjoyed
an excellent piece of story poetry between an old one like me and a smashing youthful one like you In times to come as my memory shadows into oblivion you will then step into my shoes talking with another teenager but more ultramodern The ones today see as an ultimatum the be all and end all of youth
2 – Re: " ''I will unravel everything the other day'', " try: " I will unravel everything for another day" Navod, i got your long response today to my 3 + years old comment. thanks. Sure, lambs could beused to refer to someone with affection or pity, like girls. to MyPoemList. bri ;)
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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12/4/2025 10:43:10 PM # 1.0.0
The dialogue between the old man and Charlie is so engrossing! The conversation takes place so naturally and the youthful memories unfold one after the other. You concluded the poem at a time when the curiosity of the young boy has reached its peak.....(of course the curiosity of the reader too!) So you can think of its next version ! As other poets of greater experience have pointed out, you have to be a little more careful about the punctuation! Over all, this poem is excellent as it is by a boy of your age and I award you a full 10
Thank you for the admiration Valsa.