Committing Suicide Is A Fad - Poem by Amrit Rathi
We have met the enemy, and they are us.
—Walt Kelley, Pogo
In major national newspapers
very soon, you will see my ad:
thanks to years of research
and cutting-edge technology
a wonderful product, I’ve made,
for committing suicide.
And I say
“Committing suicide is a fad.”
I’m Dr. Bulggard.
My idea’s going to shake the world.
Since many people seem to commit suicide
of one sort or another, I thought,
there must be a big demand out there.
So I commissioned a marketing survey
and the stats we got were astounding;
nothing fell within the gray.
And all companies in this business
had only but one thing in common:
Cigarettes, junk food, or the like,
that makes them each multibillionaires.
I say my product compares,
at anytime is better than theirs!
I wonder in this rapid age of technology,
we do everything faster,
why then does suicide remain so neglected?
In the matter of efficiency and fastness,
it seems sheer carelessness!
Let’s examine the inefficient ways
of committing suicide we see at present.
and know they may get cancer.
They take drugs
and know they may end up worse than dead.
They eat junk food
and know they may have a heart attack.
They don’t walk or exercise
although they’re forty pounds overweight.
Just keep counting…
What is the use of slow death?
Here is my product
with a new way to embrace death!
It looks like the world too is mad
bent on a collective suicide.
Irregularities in the weather and frequent storms!
Melting glaciers and rising sea levels!
The pollution and radioactive waste!
What does this all go to show?
Committing suicide is really a fad!
Now all of us know.
By now it should be clear
how useful my product can be in any case:
for an individual,
or for the entire human race!
Now let me briefly explain
what my product is:
it’s a very high quality
to fly into space,
with it, no rocket can race!
To help you commit suicide,
we give you a money-back guarantee first,
halfway if the balloon doesn’t burst,
and it’ll disperse your body pieces evenly
among all heavenly bodies,
and the soul as a light rises—
a merry suicide, indeed!
You can also buy an add-on package
for a small additional price,
if you wish to go to any planet of your choice,
and disappear there
as per your preferred religious rites.
And that’s not all;
we give many light years’ warranty,
you need not in any way fear.
In suicide also I assure you,
you would cheer!
One more thing, somebody recently asked
if my product can be made multipurpose?
Well, to this suffice it to say,
NASA is in touch with us.
We might pick up a few deals;
they too want to cut their costs
in light of the turbulence their economy feels.
The savings, I hear,
would partly go to Africa or Palestine,
to boost their image,
or buy peace from Al Qaida for a while!
See how my product is so versatile!
For more details,
refer to the brochure or our website.
About this revolutionary product,
trust me, you’ll find everything you need.
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