Betrayal Poems: 15 / 500

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Rating: 4.6

If you knew who I was now
When I knew who you were then
Would you forgive me before
We ever became them?
If you gathered in the harvest—
Stacked and counted the bales
of our soul-searing pain,
Numbered the bushels
Of our flesh-scalding tears,
Compacted the silos
of loneliness, doubts, fears-
If you could have counted the cost,
Would you have sown the first seed?
If you factored in lies, betrayal, mistrust,
Could you ever have loved me
Before they became us?

Thursday, October 6, 2016
Betrayal Poems: 15 / 500
Topic(s) of this poem: life
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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Anwar Hussain Farooqui 11 October 2016

A lovely write in an interrogative style

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Seamus O Brian 14 October 2016

Thank you, Anwar. I hope you have a blessed day today in all your endeavours. Neal :)

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Marie Chantale Tremblay 10 October 2016

I love how haunting this poem is. You have rich vocabulary and an ability to find magic in life's most common (if not agreeable) feelings. Excellent work.

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Seamus O Brian 14 October 2016

Thank you, Marie, for your encouraging and generous thoughts. I am very pleased to have haunted you a little bit. Neal :)

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Susan Williams 07 October 2016

Absolutely top-notch writing, Neal. I admit the farm terms got my attention, my positive attention. But it was the questions you posed that tangled my heart with barb wire. I just got buffeted with the most heart-breaking, heart-aching, sense of yearning that I have ever felt. This is Literature. The capital L kind. This goes on my list of favorite poems and it obviously gets top marks.

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Bharati Nayak 22 July 2021

You have expressed complex emotions in such beautiful manner ---A brilliant poem!

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Sarah Shahzad 23 December 2019

I thought this was a very nice piece of poetry and that I would like to have many more pieces like this. :)

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Lee Boueri 17 November 2019

Beautiful in hindsight (pun intended :)) . I feel like I have just been taken through some seriously dazzling mental acrobatics. Lovely read.

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Robert Murray Smith 20 July 2018

Seamus a wonderful write. If we were able to know in advance would we open the door? ++10

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Mahtab Bangalee 29 May 2018

excellent conditional writing on the theme of life If you factored in lies, betrayal, mistrust, Could you ever have loved me Before they became us? 10++++

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