Phil Soar

Gold Star - 46,115 Points (28.06.1952)

Facebook - Poem by Phil Soar

I must get onto Facebook,
And share my every whim;
Tell people when I've had a shit,
Or just been down the Gym;
I'd open up my heart and soul,
And spread eternal joy;
And tell the world how much I wanked,
When I was just a boy.

Id fill my site with Happy Thoughts,
And even product placing,
I'd photograph the skid-marks,
On my pants that need replacing;
Each day I'd write a daily blog,
With banal thoughts and ditties,
Post photos of me on the bog,
And flaunt my manly titties.

I'd keep the world a-breasted,
About everything I'm doing,
I'd keep my page updated,
Whilst I'm sitting down and poo-ing;
MY LAPTOP resting on my lap,
That's how it got its name,
My finger rips the toilet paper,
Now that is a shame.

An accidental Fingering,
Whilst sitting on the Loo,
Not the sort of thing I'd share,
Will all the Facebook crew;
But someone sends a link to me,
That takes me somewhere crude,
A site of toilet paper holes,
And fingers brown and stewed.

I can't believe the sort of stuff,
That people share out there,
Who tells the world their every move? ,
Do people really care? ;
And, Do we need to know all that? ,
Our lives all stripped and bare,
With every move and the things we do,
Why feel the need to share? .

There are those who also twitter,
Their lives awash with Twits,
Sharing every thought they have,
And getting on our Tits;
From stars of stage, and sport and news,
And those who live alone,
Tweeting when they've woken up,
And lying there alone.

They've all got their own followers,
Like some religious cult,
Tweeting crap and talking shite,
And writing to insult;
The need to reach out daily,
To tell the world their news,
To txt, to tweet, words from the street,
And all their insane views.

On second thoughts, I will not join,
Or share my daily grind,
I'll leave it all to those of you,
Who are out of your mind,
You tell the world your secrets,
You share most every day,
With people you don't really know,
Who might live far away.

So if you are on Facebook,
Or hashtag your life on twitter,
I hope the words you share out there,
Don't end up I.T. Litter,
I Do declare, that I don't share,
My feelings, thoughts and deeds,
Or try to share my drivel,
Till my brain explodes and bleeds.

Topic(s) of this poem: funny

Comments about Facebook by Phil Soar

  • Eve T.m.c. (6/9/2017 11:16:00 AM)

    I had to read this poem of yours again. I so totally loved it. Adding to my favorites, Phil. Take care. (Report) Reply

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  • (5/4/2017 6:49:00 AM)

    Asserting your uniqueness and individuality using sarcasm and wit. A great piece. (Report) Reply

  • Eve T.m.c. (3/16/2017 2:03:00 AM)

    This is so funny, Phil, I cracked my side laughing about all the things you wrote about. Yes, I so totally agree with everything you said in this poem of yours. I so totally agree with everything you say. I so totally hate face book. Take care and have a grand week ahead. (Report) Reply

  • Daniel Jones (3/6/2017 6:42:00 AM)

    many of the reasons i quit Facebook 2 months ago, great poem, made me laugh. thanks again Phil (Report) Reply

  • (1/7/2017 4:21:00 PM)

    So true and o so funny...but I'm very careful about my postings, , (Report) Reply

  • Warden Vukeya (10/19/2016 4:36:00 AM)

    good poem
    wow, I never thought so much could be said about Facebook. This is a real talent. (Report) Reply

  • Judith Blatherwick (5/27/2016 7:09:00 AM)

    Just brilliant. Funny and entertaining. I agree with everything said. (Report) Reply

  • (1/19/2016 12:26:00 AM)

    hehehehhehe...if you share
    your food pictures they'll love
    you too
    (Report) Reply

  • Margaret O Driscoll (1/18/2016 4:33:00 AM)

    Gave me a good laugh, must have been fun to write too! ! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rajnish Manga (11/20/2015 4:59:00 AM)

    Very thought provoking. I have not been a part of Facebook or twitter because there is nothing to update and nothing to wait for. Thanks. (Report) Reply

  • Thomas Plotz (11/19/2015 3:24:00 PM)

    I Do declare, that I don't share, My feelings, thoughts and deeds - except here, thanks for sharing Phil. (Report) Reply

  • (9/8/2015 7:22:00 AM)

    A fun piece to read, too much truth, thanks for sharing (Report) Reply

  • John Brown (9/1/2015 8:30:00 AM)

    This made me chuckle. My kind of poetry. (Report) Reply

  • Kim Barney (8/26/2015 6:56:00 AM)

    This is hilarious! I've been thinking of getting my own Facebook page just to promote my poems, but now I think, why? If nobody ever reads them but me and my posterity, that's o.k. (Report) Reply

  • (8/21/2015 7:19:00 AM)

    Good stuff! (Occasionally guilty of some of the above...) : -) (Report) Reply

  • Paul Warren (7/30/2015 4:08:00 AM)

    Phil what are we leaving of this time? They won't be digging out tombs to see what we were like I fear it will be Facebook pages and cat videos! (Report) Reply

  • Kinyua Karanja (6/23/2015 6:58:00 AM)

    Great, this is a good observation. (Report) Reply

  • (5/12/2015 1:29:00 AM)

    Three cheers to someone who thinks the same way as I do
    Facebook should. Change the name to fakebook where people fake their thoughts and life
    Nice humour insightful idea
    (Report) Reply

  • (4/28/2015 3:52:00 AM)

    My sentiments exactly Phil....thought I was the only one who had better things to do than publish my mundane daily tasks to all and sundry....funny :) (Report) Reply

  • Elizabeth Padillo Olesen (3/16/2015 4:47:00 AM)

    Very entertaining indeed. A very good expression of one's own way of looking at the social media and the personal choice one is free to have. Thanks for sharing. Great flow of the language. (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, July 25, 2014

Poem Edited: Tuesday, September 8, 2015

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