Facebook Poem by Phil Soar


Rating: 4.4

I must get onto Facebook,
And share my every whim;
Tell people when I've had a shit,
Or just been down the Gym;
I'd open up my heart and soul,
And spread eternal joy;
And tell the world how much I wanked,
When I was just a boy.

Id fill my site with Happy Thoughts,
And even product placing,
I'd photograph the skid-marks,
On my pants that need replacing;
Each day I'd write a daily blog,
With banal thoughts and ditties,
Post photos of me on the bog,
And flaunt my manly titties.

I'd keep the world a-breasted,
About everything I'm doing,
I'd keep my page updated,
Whilst I'm sitting down and poo-ing;
MY LAPTOP resting on my lap,
That's how it got its name,
My finger rips the toilet paper,
Now that is a shame.

An accidental Fingering,
Whilst sitting on the Loo,
Not the sort of thing I'd share,
Will all the Facebook crew;
But someone sends a link to me,
That takes me somewhere crude,
A site of toilet paper holes,
And fingers brown and stewed.

I can't believe the sort of stuff,
That people share out there,
Who tells the world their every move? ,
Do people really care? ;
And, Do we need to know all that? ,
Our lives all stripped and bare,
With every move and the things we do,
Why feel the need to share? .

There are those who also twitter,
Their lives awash with Twits,
Sharing every thought they have,
And getting on our Tits;
From stars of stage, and sport and news,
And those who live alone,
Tweeting when they've woken up,
And lying there alone.

They've all got their own followers,
Like some religious cult,
Tweeting crap and talking shite,
And writing to insult;
The need to reach out daily,
To tell the world their news,
To txt, to tweet, words from the street,
And all their insane views.

On second thoughts, I will not join,
Or share my daily grind,
I'll leave it all to those of you,
Who are out of your mind,
You tell the world your secrets,
You share most every day,
With people you don't really know,
Who might live far away.

So if you are on Facebook,
Or hashtag your life on twitter,
I hope the words you share out there,
Don't end up I.T. Litter,
I Do declare, that I don't share,
My feelings, thoughts and deeds,
Or try to share my drivel,
Till my brain explodes and bleeds.

Friday, July 25, 2014
Topic(s) of this poem: funny
Kim Barney 26 August 2015

This is hilarious! I've been thinking of getting my own Facebook page just to promote my poems, but now I think, why? If nobody ever reads them but me and my posterity, that's o.k.

3 2 Reply
Elizabeth Padillo Olesen 16 March 2015

Very entertaining indeed. A very good expression of one's own way of looking at the social media and the personal choice one is free to have. Thanks for sharing. Great flow of the language.

3 2 Reply
Jak Black 18 February 2015

Great stuff. Liked the humour, the rhyme and rhythm made it so easy to read. Think you shared a secret or two of your own in this one though. Ha ha. Well done Phil.

2 2 Reply
Rakhi Jayashankar 12 May 2015

Three cheers to someone who thinks the same way as I do Facebook should. Change the name to fakebook where people fake their thoughts and life Nice humour insightful idea

2 2 Reply
Karl Mcareavey 28 April 2015

My sentiments exactly Phil....thought I was the only one who had better things to do than publish my mundane daily tasks to all and sundry....funny :)

2 2 Reply
Subhojit Kar 04 May 2017

Asserting your uniqueness and individuality using sarcasm and wit. A great piece.

0 0 Reply
Daniel Jones 06 March 2017

many of the reasons i quit Facebook 2 months ago, great poem, made me laugh. thanks again Phil

0 0 Reply

So true and o so funny...but I'm very careful about my postings, ,

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Warden Vukeya 19 October 2016

wow, I never thought so much could be said about Facebook. This is a real talent.

0 0 Reply
Manonton Dalan 19 January 2016

hehehehhehe...if you share your food pictures they'll love you too

0 1 Reply
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