Mother Poem by Vidi Writes

Mother

It was during my days of utmost innocence, I met you
You had come to see me for nuptial knot with your son
I knew the reason why you had come to that house
No one told me so, but I had overheard the talks of elders
Still I was not shy, no expectation, I was just blank
That was what I was when I met you for the first time.

I cannot exactly say now, what was my opinion about you
Because I never thought of observing you on that day
It was just a formality and I had no dream of marriage
I was not much disturbed also though I was not in favour
Those were the days I used the take life as it came
It was just another day of my life and nothing more.

During days that followed, I never thought about you
I was busy spending the days in my hand for the current
Here and there, I knew things were moving towards knot
Until that day, when I had to give my consent to marriage
I had not thought about how to react or how to reject
But of course I knew I was not ready for it at that age.

With a very little fuss I agreed to take that turning point
Hearing all the reasons put before me to give my consent
Lot of family drama and trauma were enacted before me
Amidst curse of parents whose daughters yet to marry,
Jealously of those for whom your son was a virtue, missed
I wed to your son, not knowing the stock I had in store for me.

In that house everyone looked matured beyond his or her age
That frightened me a lot with the idea of reaching to that stage
Among those intelligent looking people, I liked you, mother
You were kind enough to accommodate me with your smile.
Though I was confused towards your conservativeness
I gave full point to you to rely on during that new venture.

It was during those days, I heard from you, a lot about your life
I could understand, you were brought up in an orthodox way
God fearing, ghost fearing, many a times fearing the humans too
All through your life, from child hood to adult, you were unguided
Didn't had any understanding about relations and traditions.
Until that time, in my life, I had not met a person like you.

Mother, you were loved by your man and got married to him
You gave birth to his children; all were the nature's conceptions
Struggled and labored though those days to bring them up,
You had true devotion in your work, though not recognized
Women, in those days were devoted to family and nothing else
No one thought of likes-interests and advancement of women.
.........

The poverty, the negligence, suppression, disrespect, hard work,
Humiliation, suspicion and suspense, worries and wars of hell
All were the part of your chronicle, which melted me fast
I was slowly coming out of my cocoon, to the world outside
I was totally disturbed; my wings protested to unwrap in the open.

I also started reasoning great part of your narrations and feelings
Natives and relatives made use of your hard work and limitations
Kith and kin could never understand your struggle for existence
There was no one with you to bring you into track of normality
No self interest protection, no self quest, no recreation, nothing.

In between knowing all your goodness and struggle in life
I also saw, at times, some unusual crackles from you and unwanted
I wondered whether it was due to your frustrations and losses
Your reaction towards negligence and wrath shown to you
But its very later I could come to know that you were sick.

With a few glimpses of your attitudes I could guess and reason
There was something seriously wrong with your perceptions
In spite of all goodness you had, there was violence in your mind
I was shocked and surprised and gone into total confusion.
But none was there who could console my troubled heart and soul.

Slowly I too become the part of all those happenings of days
I was a witness to all those indifference, in fights and tears
Roses were out of the garden and only thorns were seen by then
Each day ended with a lot of petals brushed under the foot
All natural colours started unfolding before my eyes.

The family needed no reasons to quarrel it uses to get erupted
At the sight of a guest, with a joke, with a letter, with a phone call
With a talk, with a weep, with a tease, with almost all things.
I wondered, why at all we have a family and relations set to us
All that we did everyday is picked a stick and started beating.

I kept on asking myself, why so, what's wrong, who to blame
I could fix all for all reasons as all were involved in the show
Hatred for that life style of people who appeared enlightened folk
Crept into my mind slowly but firmly and I wanted to react to all
I had seen turmoil in life but not everyday disasters like those.

Sometimes when started reasoning the happenings around
I felt all those who were at home had their own reasons to call
Though they had their own reasons for the good and bad
Self-sympathy had its head high along with the boiling blood
Much talked about love for each other had no real strength.

Mother, everyone talked much about your arrogance and violence
In fact everyone made use of your hard work to ones own advantage
Very little patience anyone had to look at you and to find a way-out
Somewhere, somehow all had lost tender approach towards you
All were busy in framing their own futures, an escape from you.

Still I laid my trust on you mother, continued with all care for you
But your sickness bothered me much more than anything else
It was not a matter of trust but it was a case to be cured
You had gone a long way into a vicious spherical world
I guessed inch by inch you would have slipped to that state.

I could visualize between all odds that living had to be planned
Nothing will go hand in hand unless one has time to hold hands
Ideologies are good to be read and they are like guiding lamps
But life has to be lived with not Lamps but by the Light of it.
Lighten the Lamp and see the life in the Light of its wisdom.

I was too tender, sensitive and full of dreams in that young age
Sometimes I felt you are jealous of my unlimited sportiveness
Sometimes I felt, you like me more than your children
Other times, I saw same harsh in-law, I have read in books
All I wanted is to cure you, using my permitted limits.


I saw you bringing the roof onto floor for reason of your own
I felt your jealously unwrap at any love showered on me
I understood you were sick at the sight of me enjoying the life
I realized you had built a strong circle around you
Where you always felt alone, oppressed and suppressed.

Mother, I was not as matured as I am now, to face you straight
Above all I had no space therein where I was treated an outsider
My acts were under suspicion and my words were not heard
I too was lonely and absurd still feeling your pain and vein
Nothing I could do to prevent things from how they happened.

As the days went on, you had understood my weakness
My consideration and concern towards your narrations
You could call the shots and I was there as a listener
You knew that I was not much sought after by people at home
Slowly I was engulfed by my sympathy for you and by you.

It was time then that I too reacted to situations in my own way
I was not an expert like all but tried my best to stand firm
I had tried to put my viewpoints on the floor of the house
But I was so disappointed to see all those were just swept way
Along with all dust particles and waste papers of the house.

My case was mostly considered as a fate written on my forehead
The much, I shrugged to say no, the more it was branded as luck
At this time, I decided to fight against this fate fallen from sky.
Still I was sincere beyond measure, but I was mistook beyond faith
I never knew, one day my sincerity would take me to my destiny.

My spirits were dwindling between the hatred and sympathy
My efforts to pull you out of your circle was with no support
My strengths were limited, my energies were getting dried
Instead pulling you out of the circle, I was being pulled into.
Horrible scare crept in me of becoming another ‘Mother' like you.

It was during this tussle, I got my emancipation bell ringing
I minced no words in putting my last desperate will on the floor
This time, it's not the broom but the wind made all the difference
It took me to the far away land of fairy tale into a glorious shrine
That sheltered me with its warmth and strength but away from you.
.........

I don't blame you mother for all that ‘WE' did or didn't do
This was the way to me to be out of your ‘circle' and not get into it.
Your illness has masked your love for all others, and me, I know.
Mother, I love you always and I know you love me too as your child.
Though miles apart I think of you and I cry for your loneliness.

And this is the only possibility left with me then
To keep my love for you - ‘alive' beyond all doubts.
And it's too late to find any other possibility now…!
I never believed that things would have been different
If opted to stay with you, instead it's better as it is now…

.........

Beside this entire interesting tale, I am a ‘Mother'
Never ever letting that tender soul to be a pray
An ardent female 'Mother', had gathered grit to survive.
Away from you mother, at a distance land, I do realize
I am a passionate and determined Mother.

(This poem is ever growing...
as the days pass i have new realizations to add
with passion for my life)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mother, you are an important person of my life
Being mothers, we need courage if not convictions
That bit of lesson I always treasure from you.
Its not about how do we live and what do we speak
Its about how do we feel and why do we feel so
Rest of the conceptions remain behind veiled perceptions.

(Today I learnt
Sometimes you dont get chance to write forever...)

-vidi-
01-01-2006
17-04-2007
24-02-2008
05-08-2016