Recovering? Poem by Jessica Elizondo

I vowed to change my ways, and to never look back. But sometimes I find myself peeking at my mistakes. Its like I feel an addiction to pain. I don't want to but my mind feels diffrent. I'm two diffrent people, my brain and my body. My brain tells my body what to do and I do it. I feel like I'm losing control. I put on a smile and make myself laugh, but my mind isn't fooled. I'm a monster that I can't escape. I Can't seem to kill that part inside of me. I don't know what to do anymore, so I fake it. I truly wish to be happy, but my mind has diffreant plans....LORD! PLEASE HELP ME! ! !