Tale Of A Tormented Toad Poem by Jim McGill

I believe that evil people should be held to account for what they do. In fact, I think their punishment should fit their deeds. But, in today's world, this doesn't seem to happen that often. So, this is an allegory about evil. We certainly see enough of it in this world of ours.
There is a witch, the usual kind, green, evil; there is also a Prince Charming, heavenly handsome, delightfully debonair, etc.. However, he happens to be a bit different. Finally there is a toad, who got turned into what he is, because of what he was and what he is now can't change because that's the way he was. Is that clear enough?
It can be argued that witches can be found in all colours, in all communities and all genders. It was the writer's choice for this witch to be green and female. Why? It fits traditional fairytale format. If the reader wishes to neuter the witch, or make her a he, go right ahead. Please don't neuter the toad, because the toad…happens to be me!


Tale of a Tormented Toad

I once was a Prince Charming frivolous and gay
Attractive, handsome, debonair; what more can I say?
Then I came upon the evil witch of Bernam wood
Clad in black was she, from toe to head with hood
She chanted and stirred a steaming cauldron brew
A swirl of magic rose and over the sides did spew
Green it was; it surrounded, then enshrouded me
No chance! No chance at all had I to squirm free
I sensed with dread that some dire event forebode
With a shrill laugh, she turned me into a toad

That vile witch, such an evil b*tch. The damn fitch
Turned me into a toad and tossed me in a ditch
And now I must seek a princess sweet and fair
So she might kiss my lips…a most difficult affair
Because, in this enlightened new world of ours
I am a charming prince—but I hang out in gay bars!

And now, I am a toad, but frankly…I'm still also gay
In the bars I hop, I meet only those who see it my way
Not sweet princesses willing to kiss these toady lips
Sincerely a problem of which I must come to grips
I swore to seek revenge on her for this malignity
Because, of what I am, she stole my dignity

I thought a bit, then got an idea of villainy
When I saw her broom leaning on a tree
That very day I bought a tube of crazy glue
Just before I became a toad, hitherto
I heard it said, that she wore no underwear
Better to grip the handle when flying in the air
So I decided…to glue her broom handle there!


I hopped to the broom leaning on a tree
And squeezed glue on the handle, you see
Not so easy when you are a toad like me
But secretly I smeared the handle good
For that old hag, I did the very best I could

Then the witch chanted in a low whisper
And the broom floated horizontally to her
Raising her robe high; exposing what was hid
She hopped on the broom like she always did
A laugh, a shriek; she soared off into the sky
Silhouetted in the moonlight, I could see her fly

Headed to Macy's, she tried to get off at 5th Avenue
For, they had a Halloween bash that she was flying to
Coming in she pulled on the handle; it didn't budge
I say she was flying too fast, but you can be the judge
She smashed into a revolving door, spun round twice
Then got flung out, into the fine china, to be precise
Then a crash! There was tingling all around her
As porcelain exploded from an upturned counter
The floor manager glared with a stare most stolid
And yes! The handle was still attached—quite solid

So twitch and switch, screech and squirm
She yanked at the handle but it remained firm
And dance and prance, squirrel and twirl
Amid the shards she watched her fate unfurl
A green pallor spread to her desperate face
‘Cause push or pull, the broom stayed in place

Chantilly and Chelsea lay trashed on the floor
Rörstrand and Rayneau smashed even more
Then she sailed to an exit with complete disregard
Before the floor manager demanded a credit card
Again she spun through a revolving door-door-door*
Getting cramped and dizzy once more-more-more**
Staggering forth, she flew off into the sky above
Astride the broom that she couldn't get rid of

And now, as a tormented toad hopping here and there
Each solemn day I seek a gay princette sweet and fair
To kiss these lips and thereby free me from this evil snare
But it is well known: charming princesses are never gay
And gay princettes are never that charming, so they say
But, I am ecstatic that the old hag cannot take a leak
I hear her continuously scratch, squawk and squeak
And it's a fact, the witch has a green face and red-eye fits
Because I, as a gay toad—glued a broom to her privates


Jim McGill, October,2022
* [Snap head left-right, left-right, left…]
**[Rotate head round-round-round…]