The Case Of The Beamed Up Man In Apt 11b Poem by Ted Sheridan

The cops were called because a woman in Apt 12A
said she heard a shot while she was ironing her husband's wife beater t shirts
She had just cut the volume of the old phone radio down because
the news was on and Rush Limbaugh had taken the day off again and
she hates it when he plays golf because that means a guest host sits in for him
and that always means something horrible will happen while he's away
'Always does, always will, so why would today prove to be any different than the rest'
the cops said she stated for the record when they asked her what she knew
about the guy in Apt 11B just across the hall from her....
Not long after the first half hour segment of Rush was over
she had as she reported to the 911 operator
allegedly heard during the commercial break, what for all the world sounded like a gun shot and so she naturally knocked on his door but there was no answer from inside....only the sound of the stereo playing a familiar song, but the name of it escaped her at the moment....
Upon further investigation into the alleged incident the police entered
without a warrant but with probable cause as to a possible homicide situation
Apt 11B to find a man who appeared to be all alone, sitting in front
of a scaled down one quarter of life size cardboard cutout of The USS Enterprise
with a bottle of Jim Beam in one hand and a 357 magnum in the other...it was still smoking some off brand cigarette....
The television was on and the screen was blank with only a test pattern
The stereo was set to repeat Disc 1 Track 4 ' of Jimi Hendrix' playing
The Stars N Stripes over and over and over again
Then there was the note left pinned to the man's madras plaid cowboy shirt which read
'Beam me up Scottie, because the only explanation I can give for this hole in my head
would be that I needed to do it now before I change my mind.'
The man was dead and his brains were deposited neatly on the floor behind him
Where he presumed the maid would find them in the morning....
Never fails to amaze the woman in Apt 12A
the horrible number of things that happen when Rush takes the day off......

2007 © T Sheridan