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The Moon And You

Rating: 4.0
You lie over heaps of sand,
hands within cheeks,
plunging into black wardrobe,
blinking eyes looking here and there,
crows sitting in twins in tree barks,
stray dogs barking aloud,
beetles making chirping sounds,
I stare above,
Oh! What a spectacle!
I wonder where you are!
When did you change your place?
When did you change your wardrobe?
here to heaven,
black to silver,
You appear so beautiful,
You are the queen of celestial system,
stars standing in clusters,
weaving web and shielding
lightning attacks and thunder bolts,
clouds feeling your gentle touch,
playing game of hide and seek,
hurrying here and there,
in total despair,
looking to leave
before the king arrives in early morn’
I look down,
I wonder where you are now!
When did you change your place?
When did you change your wardrobe?
heaven to here,
silver to black,
still you appear beautiful,
lying over heaps of sand,
hands within cheeks,
blinking eyes looking here and there…..

*A girl being compared to the moon!
Monday, June 15, 2009
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COMMENTS
Mpho Leteng 21 March 2012
GREAT WRITE, CORRECT USE OF COMPARISM VERSES AND REPETITION
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Ankur Chauhan 17 March 2012
Awe inspiring words..... really mesmerizing..
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Kealeboga Malejane 16 March 2012
Lovely...well written i must give you that....girls are meant to be appreciated after all, in comparison to the moon, well expressed! ! ! !
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Allan Angelo Celestino 04 December 2011
having a twist and a turn in the poem is exciting... i wonder how you make it.. its a great and nice poem.. hope i can make a poem just like that..
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Jinal Oswal 30 November 2011
Nice comparison :) Besides, the change... I mean the nature is described so beautifully :)
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Brilliant! full of imagination. What a poet you are! Good one my friend; D
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Gan Chennai 24 May 2010
Leave alone the Girl! You know talking to Nature is so wonderful. I would lie on the Terrace, stretch my hands towards the dark sky and talk to God. Some times, I talk to plants. It's more of inner talking, unplugged outwardly. Talking, of course, when no one is present.
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Adnan Khalifeh 19 May 2010
I stare above, ....................... Oh! What a spectacle! ....................... I wonder where you are! ............................... clouds feeling your gentle touch, playing game of hide and seek, ........................................ I look down, ................................. lying over heaps of sand, hands........ cheeks, blinking eyes looking here and there….. .................................. *A girl being compared to the moon! Rich imagination & good comparison essay.... I like most of it... Adnan,
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Iris Rain 24 March 2010
Pretty. I don't any girl could resist being written in this way. The lines create a nice vision of the moon.The serenading and adoring mood works, either describing the moon or the girl. A treat in visual and mood creation.
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Bonnie Lundgren 17 February 2010
I must confess, I did not understand your comparison, or even that it was a comparison at first. To contemplate a poem there must be enough understandable to help you taste the mysterious. This poem was comfusing. It was also beautiful. I like the repeated phrases very much. Their form gives the poem more substance. These lines are just right: heaven to here black to silver you appear so beautiful Write until this is child's play and you will be a true poet.
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