Valerie Dohren

Gold Star - 7,458 Points (13 January 1947 / Southport)

The Train To Hell - Poem by Valerie Dohren

I caught the train to Hell today
A dark and bumpy ride
So many souls were huddled there
Full packed it was inside

With men and women, children too,
It was a great surprise
So many people that I knew
Were set before my eyes

The train, it trundled `long the track
All screeching at a pace
No way was there to send it back
`Twas writ` on every face

Their misdemeanours were all marked
Wrapped up and fully bagged
By Hell`s own wardens they were kept
And prop`ly neatly tagged:

Old Freddie boy who shot his wife
'Because she gave me so much strife'
And little Johnny (heard his cries)
Because he plucked the wings off flies

O then there was that sad old dame
Who spent her whole life on the game
Old Joshua, without remorse,
Had cru`lly battered his old horse

With head in hands, a guy called Frank
Had meanly robbed a village bank
And then a pensioner he mugged
Because, he said, that he was drugged

And then there`s me, O such a crime,
I wrote a verse that didn`t rhyme
And furthermore, I don`t see fit,
The rest of it I should admit

Clickety-click along the lines
Still puffing out its steam
That poor old train came to a halt
Thank God, `twas just a dream! !


Comments about The Train To Hell by Valerie Dohren

  • Dee Corpolongo (9/9/2012 12:32:00 PM)

    This here I think, is a great dream/nightmare poem!
    I loved it. and, all I can say is excellent!
    (Report)Reply

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  • Smoky Hoss (9/7/2012 1:53:00 PM)

    An amazing ride, journey and poem! (Report)Reply

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  • Crimson Soul (9/6/2012 10:11:00 PM)

    a suggestion is-to make things real and lifelike-focus on the Possessions. it creates the scene better and mood enhancements are so much easier. It even makes the character develop. talk about fredys gun, or even the train after mentioning the conductor. but it is a very good poem ^^ (Report)Reply

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  • John Brown (9/6/2012 10:26:00 AM)

    I love this. I'm scared though because I myself have plucked the wings off flies - - - Yikes! ! (I was only little though) (Report)Reply

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  • Sunny Rose (9/5/2012 1:45:00 PM)

    Thank God that was a dream coz i felt i was in the train too (Report)Reply

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  • (9/5/2012 12:41:00 PM)

    'twas glad to miss that trip, when is the next one due. This made me think of Dante's Inferno.
    Quite a parody-a 10 for all the hell you raised
    (Report)Reply

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  • (9/5/2012 1:15:00 AM)

    What a powerful poem Ms Valene Dohren.. I am too there in another train and I hope it not to reach its destination perhaps. The dream haunts and becomes a nightmare! A Good poem indeed! (Report)Reply

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  • Godfrey Morris (9/3/2012 10:33:00 AM)

    And then there`s me, O such a crime,
    I wrote a verse that didn`t rhyme
    And furthermore, I don`t see fit,
    The rest of it I should admit

    I love this poem. Especially this verse, quite amusing.
    (Report)Reply

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  • Evelyn Nec (9/3/2012 4:17:00 AM)

    And then there`s me, O such a crime, I wrote a verse that didn`t rhyme....these are my best lines.....and this is one sad poem....dived right to the core of my heart. I like this very much....great talent...Valerie. (Report)Reply

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  • (9/3/2012 2:27:00 AM)

    So nice, I like the flow.... (Report)Reply

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  • Diane Hine (9/2/2012 7:36:00 PM)

    Very entertaining verses!
    I hope you're writing the ship to heaven sequel.
    Sweet dreams!
    (Report)Reply

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  • Robert Green (9/2/2012 5:50:00 PM)

    ROTFLMAO wonderful Val :) (Report)Reply

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  • (9/2/2012 5:25:00 PM)

    Good funny stuff, even though I don't subscribe to heaven and hell this poem took me close to what may get some in there. Terrific. (Report)Reply

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  • (9/2/2012 12:11:00 PM)

    a brilliant poem from a brilliant poet...a phenomenal write mam just stunning piece want to say more but no matter what i will say it would be less so in one word just....perfect.......
    and i am pretty sure the life you are living is heaven and you are its angel cause you are sure a angel of poets world.....
    thank you for sharing
    love,
    payal
    (Report)Reply

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  • Valsa George (9/2/2012 12:09:00 PM)

    Oh! Val, this is too much! ! Though it is to Hell, what a jolly ride! ! Enjoyed every line of it! ! (Report)Reply

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  • (9/2/2012 8:25:00 AM)

    Thank God! I love the playfulness of this one-wonderful! (Report)Reply

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  • Ellias Anderson Jr. (9/2/2012 12:36:00 AM)

    a dreamy dream....Lots of souls were inside that train, and it was going...., i liked to be in that train, i would have exciting moments with other souls, this poem is perfect and nice
    keep up the good works like this my dear Friend.
    Ellias.
    (Report)Reply

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  • (9/1/2012 9:10:00 PM)

    Wow! Such a suspense you successfully have kept till the end.OMG, I'm happy, it was merely a dream. (Report)Reply

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  • Captain Cur (9/1/2012 3:10:00 PM)

    I assume the train was an express, no getting off.
    Good write, Val, on the money.
    (Report)Reply

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  • (9/1/2012 1:46:00 PM)

    Really fantastic, great humour, really love it, a fantastic poem. (Report)Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, September 1, 2012

Poem Edited: Saturday, September 1, 2012


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