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Just Thinking About Walt Whitman

Rating: 4.4
In the lunch hour alleys of the city,
We ate our Mexican food with the mild sauce,
Not wanting to raise the heat of our conversations;
Our plans were a rock concert at a small venue
Where the pretty but slightly plump girls scream
Drunken love to the lead singer,
And the tall man with the fresh tan
Hangs out in the back aisle scoping out the chicks;
And a few people begin to dance with missile-happy,
Excited legs spraying all over the place,
And I just want everyone to be joyful
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COMMENTS
Amberlee Carter 25 October 2005
hey Uriah, this poem has a heartbeat all its own...beautiful writing...after reading it, I get a sense of actually sharing it with you...and maybe in some way I do, since you often read to me...thanks for that and thank for this. always, Amberlee
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whether this is fictional or not, your attention to detail is keen. one of your best, Uriah. (did you mean 'scoping out the chicks'?) Jake
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Ernestine Northover 18 October 2005
Gosh, Uriah, that poem came alive, I could picture the whole scene. Brilliant! Sincerely Ernestine
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Raynette Eitel 18 October 2005
Uriah, there is some good description going on here. I think you might have brought Walt into your poem early on somehow and then written him in at the last, as you did. I liked the ending a lot. Change on of your 'always' to another word so you don't have two lines in a row with that word. Raynette
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Theorem Thetruthserum 18 October 2005
Good stuff...Walt Whitman is very good and seeing live music is very good as well. I believe this will inspire one for me...I used to preform live music.
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Mary Nagy 18 October 2005
I love how descriptive you are here Uriah. I felt like I was right there with you. Very nice. Sincerely, Mary
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Mahnaz Zardoust-Ahari 18 October 2005
Very nice Uriah...very nice.
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