Like Sentries (Plus Tanka Version Dedicated To Nora Olmedo) Poem by Sonya Florentino

Like Sentries (Plus Tanka Version Dedicated To Nora Olmedo)

Rating: 4.6

There they were

Up there!

East West North South

Four birds on the roof

Holding my world together

One frayed afternoon

LIKE ANGELS (Tanka version, dedicated to Nora Olmedo)

There they were, up there

East West North South, like sentries

silent, on the roof

Holding my world together

Four birds, one frayed afternoon

* Tanka version was written after reading Obinna's comment

Patti Masterman 25 August 2009

I know this feeling well. Just glad the birds were on guard duty. Pigeons, maybe? (smile) On Sundays, I like to say that the pigeons are in church (up on top all the roofs) .

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Rakesh Bedi 25 August 2009

Holding your word in all the four directions; like God send Angels, a very nice poem with a metaphysical vision between the lines!

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Kesav Easwaran 26 August 2009

nice observation...nice words...nicer presentation...thanks Sonya...10

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Obinna Eruchie 27 August 2009

I would rather say that the birds are doves, after all they represent peace and the Holy Spirit. More like peace in your life is secured by God's angels. Beautiful!

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Sonya Florentino 27 August 2009

Obinna, they were actually pigeons, just ordinary pigeons.. but they could as well have been angels (wearing dark sentry uniforms...?)

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Lillian Thomas 29 September 2009

Both are very well-crafted, beautiful images. I guess I prefer the tanka by a little, because it gives it more context, it sets up a certain expectation that it certainly delivers. Now I'm going to have to get acquainted with Nora Olmeda's work.

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Yelena M. 05 September 2009

Sonya, I love both versions of your delicate write. I agree with Sandra, the original one takes me a bit 'higher' in its expression. A beautiful birdy poem, thanks for sharing :) Yelena M.

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Sandra Martyres 04 September 2009

Both versions are nice Sonya, but I prefer the Tanka one....perhaps because I like the discipline of the syllable count and besides as Karin says it helps add to the meaning of the piece.....Nice tribute to Nora's poetic prowess...10+

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Lovely to see your dedication to a fine poet Nora Olmedo. I prefer the Tanka Version as I feel the syllable count of Tanka gives the poem more substance and credence. However, if they were mine, I would be proud of them both Sonya. 10 love Karin

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nomad omnia 31 August 2009

Hmmm, I like the spontanaeity of the first version, as if written in the moment. The second version feels more reflective. Again, great to see the same subject presented in different way - thanks Sonya.

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Sonya Florentino

Sonya Florentino

Manila, Philippines (residing NYC)
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