# # A Sudden Turn (With Haiku Version - My Very First!) Poem by Sonya Florentino

# # A Sudden Turn (With Haiku Version - My Very First!)

Rating: 3.1

A SUDDEN TURN (original version)

a fish darts forward

as water lilies re-arrange in the water

centered, in the moment

til it once again flits by

or a bird swoops down as suddenly

from the sky

© 2009 Sonya Florentino

A SUDDEN TURN (Haiku version)

a fish darts forward

water lilies re-arrange

space in the water

moment unbroken

til fish again flits by, or

bird swoops down from high

© 2009 Sonya Florentino

Alison Cassidy 27 August 2009

Sonya, I have to say I prefer your Haiku version. It is more eloquent and leaves the reader more space to 'see' your image. What a stunning image, by the way! And so interesting to watch the gestation of a poem. love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Lillian Thomas 29 August 2009

I like the haiku version slightly better, it gives me a little work t do, Doesn't interpret it for me. But both are beautiful poems. the first more imagist, the haiku not only fits the syllable count of the form, but captures the moment with fresh imagery of nature, the season is intimated as summer and for all I know water lilies is a kigo or season word for summer anyway. And most importantly it resonates with deeper meaning. my favorite lines are: 'water lilies re-arrange space in the water'

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Kesav Easwaran 30 August 2009

good imagination Sonya...thanks...10

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Ruth Walters 30 August 2009

Oh yes, quite perfect haiku...well done Ruthy

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Sandra Fowler 30 August 2009

Your first haiku has my applause, dear Sonya. Warm wishes, Sandra

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R. H. Peat 31 July 2022

The haiku version is better. It might be stronger as haiku with a definite antithesis in both stanzas.

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Chinedu Dike 23 May 2020

Well articulated and nicely brought forth with artistic brilliance. Thanks for sharing and do remain enriched.

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Chuck Audette 04 March 2010

Love the haiku version. -c

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Ben Gieske 06 December 2009

very nicely done and you could change this into a Tanka too

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Indira Babbellapati 19 September 2009

i'm dumb struck.............

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Sonya Florentino

Sonya Florentino

Manila, Philippines (residing NYC)
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