# # A Sudden Turn (With Haiku Version - My Very First!) Poem by Sonya Florentino
# # A Sudden Turn (With Haiku Version - My Very First!)
A SUDDEN TURN (original version)
a fish darts forward
as water lilies re-arrange in the water
centered, in the moment
til it once again flits by
or a bird swoops down as suddenly
from the sky
© 2009 Sonya Florentino
A SUDDEN TURN (Haiku version)
a fish darts forward
water lilies re-arrange
space in the water
moment unbroken
til fish again flits by, or
bird swoops down from high
© 2009 Sonya Florentino
you got it right in the second version for the 5 - 7- 5 syllables of required Haiku and its meaningful...a lovely haiku.....
Brilliant haiku for a first attempt Sonya and very elegant too...10
Great work, Sonya, they both paint a perfect moving picture of the moment. I love the image of the swooping bird... Amazing to see how how the arrangement can affect the mood...I will refer back to this as a lesson in art: -) N
The haiku version is great. Perfectly fits in the definition of a haiku. Imagery is wonderful, very delicate silently conveying the deep and hidden meanings the uniqueness of a haiku. Keep writing haiku, Sonya.........10. Best Wishes Naseer
The haiku version is better. It might be stronger as haiku with a definite antithesis in both stanzas.
Well articulated and nicely brought forth with artistic brilliance. Thanks for sharing and do remain enriched.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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12/8/2023 4:39:23 AM # 1.0.0.1119
I like both of these versions Sonya - its the creativity of the movement and the imagery is gorgeous. Very pretty poems, both of them! HG: -) xx