Bri Edwards

Gold Star - 68,127 Points (some time ago / Earth, i believe)

Spider Prey/Spider's Prey/Spiders' Prey (Take Your Pick) ..... [long, But Worth It I Hope; Personal Spider-Fantasy; Humour/Humor? ] - Poem by Bri Edwards

As I was taking a shower today,
a story came to me,
about how I could become Spider Prey,
and nevermore be free.
I was in the basement bathroom....
as our main bathroom’s being changed.
You may think my story’s not plausible;
you may think that I’m deranged.

Spiders are ancient creatures,
if you believe the “fossil clues”.
They’ve eight legs each and produce strands of silk,
sticky like some glues.
Some are very tiny and...
some are very huge.
Many a meal they capture,
using subterfuge.

They also have more eyes than we have,
and fangs like those.... of some snakes.
Some can run very fast, and some....
can jump... for goodness sakes!
We have our share in our new house;
we had more at the last.
If I were a fly caught in a spider’s web,
I’m sure I’d look aghast.

So here I was, minding my business,
commencing to take a shower,
when, with no great surprise mind you,
I spied a spider which seemed to cower....
up near the shower stall ceiling, way up on the wall.
To me it seemed hesitant,
not knowing where to crawl.

Now, you understand I weigh two hundred pounds...
and stand near six feet tall,
SO that spider seemed NO threat to me;
it was feather-weight and oh so small!
Granted, if I’d placed it under a magnifying glass,
it would have been a SIGHT,
but, under the given circumstances,
I thought it was ME who gave HIM a fright.

So I was rinsing my back with water,
observing how it did move.
But my comfort zone, as I thought of it,
was not large enough, it soon would prove.
I turned my back on the arachnid,
and proceeded to enjoy the man-made rain,
when, all of a sudden, in my left buttock....
I experienced an awful pain.

I almost fell down to the tub floor;
that’s as great as the pain WAS.
I glanced back and spied the spider retreating,
its body covered.... with black fuzz.
Earlier I’d thoughts of spraying the spider...
and washing it down the drain.
Now I cursed the mercy I’d shown; NOW....
I had let “The Beast”, the advantage gain.

A warm numbness started to overtake me.
I’d no time to call nine-eleven.
Could this be the END of me? Could this be....
my “time” for Hell or Heaven?
My wife was nowhere near, even if....
my weak voice could stir a cry.
Was there no help to be had? Why didn’t I spray....
the spider first? .... Why, oh why, oh WHY?

As I sank down to my knees, I inadvertently....
shut off the water flow.
Then I saw them coming: an Army of Spiders.
Oh Horror! Oh no, oh NO!
There must have been dozens; NO, at least....
hundreds to tell the truth.
“The Beast” was directing his soldiers,
leading them like Baseball's immortal Ruth.

There were big spiders, small spiders,
spiders plain and spiders fancy.
There were short-legged ones, long-legged ones,
and one female spider.... named Nancy.
[I would have introduced myself;
befriending “the foe” might help,
but, as I was wrapped in sticky strands,
I became like a helpless pup (a whelp) .]

“The Beast” [I later learned his name was Charles]...
took on an air of calm,
but I, wrapped up like a mummy,
was decidedly in need of balm.
The pain had luckily subsided quickly,
and the numbness was now quite mild,
but there I lay on the tub floor, soaking wet,
and I cried.... like a child.

I thought they would just leave me there.
[At least the silk kept me warm, and....
as quickly as they first appeared,
the Army left me..... in a swarm.]
I tried to gather my wits together,
which proved an impossible task.
“The Beast” approached me face-to-face, and....
I had a question but I..... WAS AFRAID TO ASK.

I wanted to ask him if I’d live or die,
if the Army would return to dine.
He just looked me in my two eyes (with his six) ....
and said “There you are, YOU SWINE! ”
That made me pretty mad,
adding insult to my compromised state.
Then he said (can he read minds too?) ,
'You're lucky this time. We just ate.'

He left me there. What was I to do?
It was nearly 7 p.m.
[I expected my wife home late.
Would SHE come back first, .... OR THEM? ]
I must have dozed off for a bit;
how I managed that I do not know.
It was then I saw the Army returning.
First a few, then their number did grow.

And now they were not alone! Oh, NO! ;
they’d brought some creepy-crawly friends.
It began to remind me of a nightmare horrible,
a nightmare that never ends.
Again I felt a sharp pain in my butt,
which seems to be the target of choice.
I started to feel more drowsy now....
and less aware, .... for which I did rejoice.

Who knew what was in store for me next?
I dared not hazard a guess.
“If I survive this, ” I told myself,
“I’ll get an exterminator.” What a mess! !
“The Beast” directed, in Spider Speak,
the Army to cinch my bindings tighter.
As I felt my body being lifted I heard some spider....
MOAN... “I wish he was much lighter! ”

I must have passed out at that point.
I came to when the medics arrived.
My wife, dear wife, had finally come home...
and found me, and, golly, I had survived.
She told me later that when she came home...
a little black spider met her.
He’d told her she should go check the....
downstairs bathroom. [She put on a sweater.]

She went down the steep, dark stairs,
a perplexed expression on her face.
What she found there caused her to laugh OUT LOUD.
Think of my DISGRACE!
There I was, wrapped oh so tight in silk,
hanging from the shower curtain rod.
Now whenever I dare to take a walk up our street,
the neighbors just look at me.. and WINK... and NOD.

(November 21,2013)

Poet's Notes about The Poem

yes, dear readers, it IS fantasy. i survived the shower, but i don't know what became of the spider which (he OR she?) inspired me to write this. it may live to torment me again. this is the second, at least, poem i've written which was suggested by an encounter with a spider in the shower. the other time was about seven years ago. yes! i DO take a shower that often, AT LEAST (even if i don't need one) . both spiders were medium-sized, but black and 'hairy'.
i forgot to mention: i must have made a hundred changes (mostly very minor, including ways of spacing the phrases) in this poem today. i just wrote it last night. i hope you dream of spiders tonight.

Comments about Spider Prey/Spider's Prey/Spiders' Prey (Take Your Pick) ..... [long, But Worth It I Hope; Personal Spider-Fantasy; Humour/Humor? ] by Bri Edwards

  • Beach Girl (4/7/2015 3:47:00 PM)

    I wonder what part of the poem was real and what was fantasy? Hmmm Oh well, I really enjoyed it, even though I found myself getting a little creeped out. Actually, it was like a really cool horror story/poem. Ok, not that scary, 'cause I laughed most way through it. (Report) Reply

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  • Aries Profanisaurus (10/19/2014 7:10:00 AM)

    Should have burnt the blood suckers ALIVE. Certainly what I would have done. If in the shower, I let them eat drain. Never show any mercy to them. (Report) Reply

  • Noreen Carden (11/25/2013 12:35:00 PM)

    What a mind you have i am a fan of spiders so i have to say i am more on their side than yours. i enjoyed reading this well done Bri glad you were rescued (Report) Reply

  • S.zaynab Kamoonpuri (11/25/2013 1:16:00 AM)

    Hope u got my coment on yor spidr poem, for some reason it doesnt show to me. Hey n thanx for yor coment made me chuckle n laugh. Yeah i luv jasmine scents n crowded bus people ought to use nice scents eh. (Report) Reply

  • S.zaynab Kamoonpuri (11/25/2013 1:04:00 AM)

    So u mean dis is a mix of fiction n nonfiction? ? Was it a black widow spider dat wantd to make yor wife a widow? ;) . But i tel u im totaly wowd n floord by dis imagination's tale u hav wowen in once again scintillating wording. D spiders we get here dont bite. I giv u full votes even if epic. (Report) Reply

  • Tirupathi Chandrupatla (11/24/2013 7:43:00 PM)

    Nice episode. An encounter beautifully described. Thank you. (Report) Reply

  • Valsa George (11/23/2013 10:48:00 AM)

    What a terrible encounter.... So do you mean to say that the spider's venom turned you into another spider ? ? ? As soon as the spider attacked you, you fell into the tub floor. Then how come, your wife happened to see you hanging from the shower curtain rod?

    Reading this long, long story has been as painful as being bitten by a spider! (Just joking) Really Enjoyed! !
    (Report) Reply

  • Wahab Abdul (11/22/2013 11:33:00 PM)

    hey, bri, you have written a fascinating poem. i like it... read some of my popular poems. (Report) Reply

  • Bri Edwards (11/22/2013 11:32:00 PM)

    i just edited my poet note, but since the change hasn't shown up yet i want to say: i must have made a hundred changes to this poem (mostly very minor, including spacing of phrases) today, including some after typing into computer, copied from my scribbled paper notebook. how could it have been so imperfect at first? NOW, of course, it IS perfect! :) (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, November 22, 2013

Poem Edited: Saturday, November 23, 2013

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