Daniel Brick

Gold Star - 75,955 Points (June 10,1947 / St. Paul MN)

The Abandoned Poem - Poem by Daniel Brick

I wrote a long poem
for you this morning
in the pure light
of an untouched day.

The poem was marvelous!
It took two hours to write,
two hours to revise,
one hour to copy neatly.

As I read the final draft,
I felt I was in your presence:
your flesh as pure as the light,
your mind as untouched as the day.

The poem was one moment
a window through which I saw
your beauty. The next moment,
a mirror reflecting our joy.

Then a darkness that was not
nature's fell across my desk.
I dropped my pen, closed my
notebook. My mind, like a whirlgig.

This poem, these paper words
contained no trace of you:
the down of your face,
the curve of your legs,

your breathing lifting
your breasts, your lips
parted to speak, or parting
to kiss - Yes,

words are such perfect
traitors: they make promises
that warm you, like summer light,
they create spirals of hope.

For those hours of composing,
the words performed miracles
of desire, produced wonders
of expectation, and then -

I dumped the three sheets
in the yard as I trudged
to my daily tasks,
silent, sullen, sorry.

That evening, as twilight
slowly finished what
morning light had begun,
I saw you, sitting alone,

on your balcony, half-
hidden by a vase of flowers.
Your hands held my poem,
your eyes gazed intently.

I stood leaning against
a maple tree, watching
this impossible scene,
wondering what words were left.

No longer traitors, I
sifted through my mind
to find the words closest
to touch and to silence.

As I looked up in desire,
you suddenly looked
down in anticipation.
Words dissolved into gestures.

Valentine's Day

Topic(s) of this poem: love

Poet's Notes about The Poem

Today is Valentine's Day, so I decided to try my hand at writing a Love Poem. I remember some wise words Robert Bly said before he read from his book of Love Poems, Loving a Woman in Two Worlds. He told us a poet has to be alert when writing them, because there is so much energy piled up inside. It's so easy to spill words onto paper with the overflow of this energy. The poems he read were (are) amazing, so fresh, so original, so unlike any previous Love Poems. I remembered a girl named Kathy I was attracted to many years ago. Although we were friends, I could never find the words to express my true feelings to her. Does this sound familiar? I realized the most honest Love Poem I could write would indeed find those words today. The poem presented itself like a welcome guest, arriving on time for the main event, that is, putting the poem at my site on Feb.14. My view is that a Love Poem should not use the word love, but embody it. Instead of saying, 'I love you', the poem should show the impact of that love on the speaker. How does love make him/her act? How does it interrupt their routine? How does it make their day all sweetness and light?

Comments about The Abandoned Poem by Daniel Brick

  • Norah Tunney (7/5/2017 9:06:00 PM)

    Stunning and that's high praise for a good love poem is hard to find.
    As I read the poem I was totally captivated by the story.I particularly loved the last two verses. I love that line sifting through your mind to find the words closest to touch and silence, one can almost feel the intimacy in the space between the words. Then in desire, in anticipation, words dissolving into gestures. It's sways like a dance.

    Nothing sappy here but a deeply tender love poem. A delight to read.Thank you Daniel
    (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Magdalena Biela (5/25/2017 9:42:00 AM)

    Remember Monalisa? She is the very definition of love, with her smile like an abandoned poem...Your poem is Monalisa's smile... (Report) Reply

  • Rebecca Navarre (5/9/2017 9:50:00 PM)

    Oh How Heart Warmingly Beautiful! ! ! ! ! Love The Flow And Feel Of
    This Poem! ! ! ! ! Excellently Done! ! ! ! ! Thank You So Much For
    Sharing This! ! ! ! ! Many Many 10S! ! ! ! ! +++++
    (Report) Reply

  • Bri Edwards (12/14/2016 11:14:00 PM)

    79 comments! well, some are from YOU!

    did i leave one already? who can remember? ? ? ?

    i'm still reading, but i HAD TO TELL YOU...........WoW! ! ! ! Wonderful! ! ! !

    favorite part so far:

    For those hours of composing,
    the words performed miracles
    of desire, produced wonders
    of expectation, and then -

    i 'love' alliterations, especially when they fit so well: silent, sullen, sorry

    I'M done reading. What happened NEXT? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! what, What, WHAT! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ?

    OK, let me read the Poet's Notes for clues?

    i like it, and i always appreciate having a Poet's Notes, helpful or not.

    this could easily touch some hearts in a a showcase. hmm? of course, my heart is too cold to be affected.

    the words/thoughts are, however, scrumptious. yum yum.

    to MyPoemList.

    bri :)

    give me candy on V-day and i'll be happy. make that ice cream! with or without cake.
    (Report) Reply

  • (11/30/2016 4:43:00 AM)

    Daniel, every woman, man and child should be given this treasure on Valentine's Day. From your heart to theirs...from their heart to yours. (Report) Reply

    Daniel Brick (11/30/2016 9:18:00 AM)

    I appreciate so much what you say here, that my poem can speak to so many people, that they will all find nourishment in it. That is why we write poems ultimately isn't: to touch people's hearts and be touvhed in turn.

  • Kathy Van Kurin (11/4/2016 11:23:00 PM)

    The Abandoned Poem
    Daniel Brick,
    A masterful depiction of the influence of love withing the actions, of a person, that is how emotion shakes up the person's expectations. Reality and what we wish could be real within has to start somewhere. If we have a dream or goal it surly starts in the imagination. This story of yours really showed how that looks on paper..Thank you so much for taking the time to share this poem. I was really touched by it! Blessings, Kathy
    (Report) Reply

  • Linda Hepner (9/12/2016 1:06:00 AM)

    I noticed there was no obvious Love in this poem that embodies it. A feat, and wonderfully done, pulling us into a poem on paper. I love the poem on sheets of paper that is about writing about a poem about love. (Report) Reply

  • Rose Kanana (9/3/2016 8:50:00 AM)

    I like the way you inked the love feeling...and the fact that as a poet words can fail too
    words are such perfect
    traitors: they make promises
    that warm you, like summer light,
    they create spirals of hope.
    (Report) Reply

  • Anne Yun (8/20/2016 11:59:00 AM)

    Yes, i know Cixin Liu. The Three-Body Problem created much of a stir in China, hope you could enjoy! (Report) Reply

  • Anne Yun (8/20/2016 9:42:00 AM)

    Wow, the wisdom of love flows from the poem and the note is really touching and impressive!
    When Raymond Carver talked about love, he said 'I could hear my heart beating, i could hear everyone's heart, not one of us moved, not even when the room went dark'
    (Report) Reply

    Daniel Brick (8/20/2016 11:31:00 AM)

    Thanks for your enthusiam, Anne. That is a wonderful quotation from Ray Carver whose early death was a great loss to literature. I think his writing style must translate into Chinese fluently, and for that matter be very accessible for you to read in your second language. When I read his stories, his language is transparent and so moving. I just bought a Science Fiction novel by a writer named Cixin Liu. It's his first book translated into English. Do you know this writer? It's called THE THREE-BODY PROBLEM.

  • Howard 'the motivational poet' Simon (7/8/2016 7:50:00 PM)

    Wow! Wow! Wonderfully written! (Report) Reply

  • Mohammed Asim Nehal (6/25/2016 2:48:00 AM)

    The subject you chose Love and the poem you wrote both reflects true feeling, having said this I would like to mention here that your love for Ms.Kathy was as true and genuine as: : :
    the flowing river gushing to meet the ocean/sea or
    bees circling around the flowers to collect the nectar,
    Clouds moving along with the wind,
    the see-saw trying to balance between the heart and the mind.
    The implicit style of your poem said many a things between the lines.
    All in all, this is one of the best LOVE poems I have read in the recent past....Beyong ratings yet a maximum 10++++
    (Report) Reply

  • (5/9/2016 12:01:00 PM)

    A long poem on love: on the love that was. Great! Love itself is a long beautiful poem, always alive and always keeping you alive.
    As I looked up in desire
    You suddenly looked
    down in anticipation
    Words dissolved into gestures.

    What nice poetry. Exquisite choice of words, just suited to convey the mood of the poem. Congrats. Thanks for sharing. Do keep writing and posting.
    (Report) Reply

  • Susan Williams (4/12/2016 2:55:00 PM)

    I read this poem of yours again today. It felt like that kind of day that you want to revisit a piece of writing that touched your life in the past. What was a bonus was that the poem opened up even more treasures- subterranean treasures hidden from a cursory glance or a casual reading. Thank you so much for sharing this (Report) Reply

  • (3/31/2016 4:48:00 PM)

    To find the words closest to touch and to silence. This is beautiful and each stanza offers delight and great honesty. Now that I've found your poetry, I shall be kept very busy reading much more! Definitely a 10.
    tom Billsborough
    (Report) Reply

  • Marianne Reninger (3/17/2016 5:29:00 PM)

    what we all wish for as a conclusion to a poetic outpouring of our soul, a look down in anticipation You were one lucky poet! Sometimes the porch is too distant and time too swift....Congrats, Daniel, loved it... (Report) Reply

  • Simone Inez Harriman (3/17/2016 3:55:00 PM)

    So deserving of this award. Love & light. (Report) Reply

  • Susan Williams (3/17/2016 3:41:00 PM)

    I loved it- -it was written with unabashed truthfulness and the story because of this touched the readers' hearts immensely. I am definitely reading more by this poet (Report) Reply

  • Moira Cameron (3/17/2016 12:09:00 PM)

    This is a wonderful story-poem. I am partial to story-songs, so i particularly enjoyed reading this one. I like the phrase 'words are such perfect traitors.' I have often found that the process of 'translating' concepts in the mind into words on a page wholly inadequate. Congrats on 'poem of the day'! (Report) Reply

  • (3/17/2016 11:49:00 AM)

    The poem was one moment
    A window through which I saw
    Your beauty, the next moment,
    Mirror reflecting our joy.
    Simply superb expression. Thanks for sharing.10++ points for the poem and the perspective too.Heartiest Congratulations.
    (Report) Reply

Read all 82 comments »

Poem Submitted: Friday, February 14, 2014

Poem Edited: Saturday, September 20, 2014

[Report Error]