The Abandoned Poem Poem by Daniel Brick

The Abandoned Poem

Rating: 4.8


I wrote a long poem
for you this morning
in the pure light
of an untouched day.

The poem was marvelous!
It took two hours to write,
two hours to revise,
one hour to copy neatly.

As I read the final draft,
I felt I was in your presence:
your flesh as pure as the light,
your mind as untouched as the day.

The poem was one moment
a window through which I saw
your beauty. The next moment,
a mirror reflecting our joy.

Then a darkness that was not
nature's fell across my desk.
I dropped my pen, closed my
notebook. My mind, like a whirlgig.

This poem, these paper words
contained no trace of you:
the down of your face,
the curve of your legs,

your breathing lifting
your breasts, your lips
parted to speak, or parting
to kiss - Yes,

words are such perfect
traitors: they make promises
that warm you, like summer light,
they create spirals of hope.

For those hours of composing,
the words performed miracles
of desire, produced wonders
of expectation, and then -

I dumped the three sheets
in the yard as I trudged
to my daily tasks,
silent, sullen, sorry.

That evening, as twilight
slowly finished what
morning light had begun,
I saw you, sitting alone,

on your balcony, half-
hidden by a vase of flowers.
Your hands held my poem,
your eyes gazed intently.

I stood leaning against
a maple tree, watching
this impossible scene,
wondering what words were left.

No longer traitors, I
sifted through my mind
to find the words closest
to touch and to silence.

As I looked up in desire,
you suddenly looked
down in anticipation.
Words dissolved into gestures.

Valentine's Day
2014

Friday, February 14, 2014
Topic(s) of this poem: love
POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
Today is Valentine's Day, so I decided to try my hand at writing a Love Poem. I remember some wise words Robert Bly said before he read from his book of Love Poems, Loving a Woman in Two Worlds. He told us a poet has to be alert when writing them, because there is so much energy piled up inside. It's so easy to spill words onto paper with the overflow of this energy. The poems he read were (are) amazing, so fresh, so original, so unlike any previous Love Poems. I remembered a girl named Kathy I was attracted to many years ago. Although we were friends, I could never find the words to express my true feelings to her. Does this sound familiar? I realized the most honest Love Poem I could write would indeed find those words today. The poem presented itself like a welcome guest, arriving on time for the main event, that is, putting the poem at my site on Feb.14. My view is that a Love Poem should not use the word love, but embody it. Instead of saying, 'I love you', the poem should show the impact of that love on the speaker. How does love make him/her act? How does it interrupt their routine? How does it make their day all sweetness and light?
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Souren Mondal 17 March 2016

I had read this poem first on 09.30.2015 and today is 03.17.2016.. That is like half a year almost between the two readings.. In September last year, I felt that this poem had what many great fiction have - the ability to show rather than tell.. Your poem shows us the love rather than speaking it in words.. But today, I feel something else too.. Your poem is about what happens between a poem being written and read.. You have gone for a love poem, and showed us how your poem had affected this woman Kathy - and Cigneg said it best that she is the LONG POEM IN YOUR SOUL. She is. This poem is more about the soul than the heart. It is about what all of us poets have gone through.. We all, I can almost say with certainty, at some points or other, have written a love poem for someone.. And then have looked at it, tried to 'fix' it, make it better.. O the pure pleasure in the agony of that process! ! Will she or will she not understand? ? One of my friends, wrote almost 30 plus poems for a woman, and she said that they were 'stupid'.. I myself, in the passion of my younger days, declared to have written a 'sonnet' (in free verse! !) and have heard 'no' from the one for whom it was written.. You, dear Daniel, I assume have not written a mere love poem, but had written a poem on 'love poems'.. What it means to the poet? ? A lot.. Sometimes more than anything and everything.. Thank you dear Daniel. Congratulations for being the poet of the day, my friend.. And it is really wonderful for me to realise that it has been more than half a year since I had been acquainted with you.. A toast to our friendship dear friend, teacher, and inspiration.. Thank you.

4 0 Reply
Daniel Brick 17 March 2016

You are a Prince, Souren, You should rule over one of those ancient kingdoms that once dotted the sub-continent and your happy subjects would declare, Our Prince is River of Generosity flowing through our lives and leaving behind all good things - fruits, flowers, incense, , soma. And your harem women would chant - Oh my, I cant print what THEY would say! ! Thanks for your wonderful comment.

0 0 Reply
Kim Barney 17 March 2016

Daniel, you have hit a home run with this poem. It is extremely well done, and congratulations on having it selected as poem of the day!

4 0 Reply
Cigeng Zhang 17 March 2016

Love is a long poem. True. Love is an everlasting theme in life. The girl KATHY has become the long poem in your soul. A very beautiful poem with old memory of love. I am glad to read the name Robert Bly in your Note. I remember he is a great American poet who adores Tang poetry. Congrats to you Daniel for Poem of the Day - The Abandoned Poem! A wonderful poetic day.

3 0 Reply
Daniel Brick 17 March 2016

Cigeng, that's a wonderful description: The girl KATHY has become the long poem in your soul. You made the right connection and drew the right conclusion.Thanks for insight and sensitivity.

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RM Smith 04 May 2022

This poem and comments were written when great poets, and commentators used this site.

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Dr Dillip K Swain 15 March 2022

Almost one day which has gone into the making of this poem. I sincerely appreciate the lucidity of expression... great

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Beautiful poem!

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Sarah Shahzad 11 December 2019

Nicely written piece and your wording was great. I enjoyed this. love this so much, I love to write as well, have my own poetry so please check my site 2 :)

1 0 Reply
A B Faniki 01 September 2019

A beaitiful poem and imagery. I was hook from start to end. Thanks for sharing such brilliant work

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