Professor Poetry Hound Poems

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Whose woods these are, I think I know
A Liberal from the village though,
A welfare cheat without a job
Too lazy to come and watch the snow.

When We Go To Heaven

When we go, do we all have to play harps? If we do,
I'm assuming we'll instantly know how to play them,
right? It's not like we'll have to take lessons or anything,
right? (cause you know what drudgery that can be - all

Gangster Movies In Heaven

Someone told me that when we go to heaven,
it will be full of Hollywood gangster movies and
we’ll have to select which one we want to live
in forever. I assume you’ll choose The

Are You Judging Me?

I was thinking that Judgment Day might not be
the big phantasmagoric Hollywood laser show
kind of deal that some people think it will be.
It might actually be a fairly low-key affair. And it

Do Pets Go To Heaven?

Am I going to be reunited
with all my old pets in heaven?
I sure hope not.


Do you think God knows what I’m thinking
right now? How about right nnnnnnnnnnow?

It’s pretty amazing to think that he knows

Composite Faith

Why do you think God created so many religions?
Maybe he wasn’t thinking straight and didn’t
anticipate how annoying they would become,
always running around claiming they’re the only

Babies Who Sin

I know you believe that Christ died for your sins,
but did he die for the people who haven’t sinned?

I know you’re going to say that everyone sins. But

Alternative Voicing: Catcher In The Daffodils

If you really want to hear about it,
the first thing you’ll probably want to know

is what I was doing standing there like an idiot


I saw Pope Ratzinger on TV the other day.
Now, here’s a guy who used to drive around in a
Chevy and now everyone wants to kiss his big
toe. Don’t you think it’s kind of bizarre how

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