Bri Edwards Fantasy Poems

I’m an American. So you know I KNOW about equality, right?
And I’m married. I strive for spousal equality with all my might!
Let me share with you how I help to keep my marriage EQUAL.
I’m so good at it that this is my 3rd marriage sequel.

Kanav Justa suggested I share my pizza with PoemHunter friends,
but I’ve found, when trying to send real pizza, my wife’s computer bends.
So you PoemHunter friends will have to settle for.... slices of my thoughts.
You’ll have to settle for “Poetic Pizza” Pieces my mind and pen have wrought.

Some of you think you know me well,
but I doubt you do. Now I will tell …
‘the way it is'.
My life that is, specifically that I AM shy ….,

Speak to me, Moon, of what you see.
Oh! I forgot; you CAN'T see. Pardon me.

Then speak to me, Moon, of what you hear.

Doc said: "Bri, your eye is diseased;
therefore it must ….soon come out."
I told her to do as she pleased.
"Ok, Doc, I won't cry or shout."

When I've pushed past my 70th year, I guess I'm allowed to dream,
of what 'Paradise' would be for me. Let's start with Ice cream.

1 - Ice cream, on a stick, in a cone or bowl, hard or soft,

I had just finished embezzling a hundred grand from my firm.
I’d stopped at a bar for a drink after work, feeling like a worm.
I was an accountant for a Fortune 500 company. They had PLENTY of money,
but, though the cash solved ONE problem, I WASN’T feeling sunny.

In the park for peoples' amusement……
were some workers with an accusement.
T'was on the merry-go-round
where they were all found,

As I lay face-up upon my bed, strange thoughts roared inside my head.
The ceiling light’s cover seemed like a pearl, causing my synapses to swiftly swirl.
Was I really in a house, pray tell? Or was I encased in a huge oyster shell?
Was I a man such as you might greet, or was I a great big hunk of oyster meat?

Don, I tried calling when California's BIG ONE …..hit,

but there was ‘no service' on phone, so I quit ….

From time to time my wife has said to me 'Some day
I wish all of my Internet and snail mail and phone calls will go away.'
(Of course I, her husband, think exactly the opposite about MY mail and calls.
But perhaps you've heard the expression about there being ears in the walls?)

As I lay face-up upon my bed, strange thoughts roared inside my head.
The ceiling light's cover seemed like a pearl, causing my synapses to swiftly swirl.
Was I really in a house, pray tell? Or was I encased in a huge oyster shell?
Was I a man such as you might greet, or was I a great big hunk of oyster meat?

Yes, I’m just TOO NICE, but I won’t “blow my own horn”.
It’s something that came naturally to me, ever since ……I was born.
Even BEFORE my birth, “niceness”, to me, did stick.
Why, not ONCE, when I was in the womb, did I, my mommy, kick!

Dashing through the downpour of rain,
thinking to myself: "Bri, this is so insane!
I really don't need the ice cream this much,
even though it is SO YUMMY and it's my crutch …

Today I give freely of my life-giving blood;
mine’s the best around, though it may look like mud.
Yes, it’s different from blood one usually does see.
It’s packed with little miracles, processed by …….little old ME.

Though frog she WAS, she caused headaches....
for old man Clyde …..and here are the 'beCAUSE(s) ':

Clyde pocketed the frog/princess, thought himself sly,

As I was taking a shower today,
a story came to me,
about how I could become Spider Prey,
and nevermore be free.

If i woke up black, to....
sleep I might go back.
Not because I'm 'white',
but I'd NOT believe my sight.

When God had created fishes for the Sea,
but not yet the roots of Mankind's family tree,
He proceeded to make insects and reptilians,
including snakes, which flicked tongues from their grins.

Many know the story of King Kong and his death;
kidnapped from Skull Island, he had his last breath
…as bullets from planes killed him in New York City
…where he'd been put on display.It was a City pity.

At times in my Earthly life I've contemplated MY suicide, ....but
never have I attempted it, NOR "threatened (to do)it". That aside....,
today as I rested myself in a soothing upholstered chair ["legs-up"],
I wondered what would happen if [At Death] I went "Down", not "Up".

Imagine a church where just insects go to praise God. A Praying Mantis, a large predatory insect, makes her first (and probably last) visit to this 'insect church'. …….

Ms. Mantis takes a seat upon a high-backed bench.
Close to her are butterflies, beetles, flies, and BUGS.

[Several Limericks I'm Writing To Pass The Time]: THESE FIVE LIMERICKS
should 'work better for' a Reader IF THEY ARE READ IN NUMERICAL ORDER.

Read '1', then '2', then '3', then '4' and then, lastly, '5: .

The big black and hairy spider
slipped quickly up beside her.
She, a helpless buzz-less fly,
had landed on web; I knew not why.

It's a good day, though YOU might cry,
when MY belly's full of pumpkin pie.
And donuts may cause an early demise,
but they never fail to brighten my eyes.

While trying to come up with a topic for this,
I thought of a bikini top, ……missing from a Miss.
So …., imagine ‘Bri' in a coed high school swimming pool,
watching a few of the girls. Hell, I'm not a fool.

Well, my wife may make MINOR mistakes....
.....when cake, or pie, or Samosa she bakes.
But once she set our poor dog, Joe, on fire;
the stove burner was, alas, his funeral pyre!


I have a fine friend, Miss Huge.
She is big and sometimes scary.
When she competes in the luge..
she uses the RMS Queen Mary.

As Sally shinnied up a tree....
to hunt honey made by bee,
she stumbled and fell into a web,
and was found by a spider, ....Zeb.

Side ONE

Lay no flowers
at my grave.

Laurie asked: 'Your favourite is? ',
to which I had to answer: 'Gee whiz,
ARE there flavors, MORE than one?
I eat so fast and, besides, I eat for FUN.

Doctor: 'Nurse, hand me that hemostat ASAP! '
Simone (thinking) : 'Get it yourself; YOUR hand is free.'
I've got some catching up to do to make a poem, fine.
Here it's work, Work, WORK! The time is not MINE! '

Bri In New York City .....[fantasy? ; Short? ; Humor? ]

I'm with mate in Harlem on Manhattan island,
Which is closer to home than if in Thailand.
We've taken 3 taxicabs and somehow survived.
I fainted twice but, by luck, I was revived.

Author Lewis Carroll might have a freaking stroke, if....
he knew I sullied HIS title to make a PoemHunter joke.
Yet MY Alice was not from Carroll's amazing 'Wonderland'.
She WAS an 'immoral singer' in a famous 70s Rock & Roll band.

Barbed Wire Biscuits ……. [HUMOR; Fantasy; kind of LONG; diet; airport security]

It was my first flight and at the x-ray scanner I was stopped.
The scanning technician looked at “me” on the screen ….., and her eyes popped.

In a previous poem I set the stage for this addendum to the tale
of seeds that listened to my love's wishes and took action.
Though their action left us with no Internet, or phones, or even mail,
what the seeds started, ended with our relative satisfaction.


I didn't really build a house. Did you think I could?
If I did try it and you saw the results, you'd say I should …...

Bri's Third "Wife-no-longer" …[ Marital Fantasy Land; Some Lies; Humour? ; Suggested By Don Kubicki's Poem ‘It Never Fails' ]

MY 3rd wife was a little stupid, and a fine baker,
but in bed, six night out of seven, she was a faker.

Fire is (NOT) licking at my heels,
but not VERY far from me, it feels..
to some as though all H+LL has arrived.
Yet, Satan's saving me, so I've survived.

Perhaps you've read the tale of the red-tailed horse
who, after she ate eight bowls of ice cream, felt no remorse.
That night, feet uncovered, she slept on her couch (no small feat!) .
Like an arctic tern she did toss and turn, in her room with no heat.

Santa Claus comes just one time each year,
and nine months later a new girl or boy does appear.
Mrs. Claus never comes, .....but she is satisfied,
'cause she loves kids, and with kids she's well-supplied.

I was conceived inside my author’s brain,
written down on paper, in language plain,
edited and rewritten (at least twice) ……
until (I think) ……..I arrived “quite nice”.

If your man is down in the dumps,
his nails bitten to bloody stumps,
give him a smile a hug and a kiss,
and a mug of beer; a beer can't miss!

When Ruthie and her long-time gentleman lover.....
died and, the Pearly Gates of Heaven, they did discover,
it was old St. Pete who barred their way, then asked:

I'm glad that God rested to end His strenuous week,
for if, instead, He had farted I'm sure the Earth would creak....,
and not just a little creak but a GREAT BIG CREAK,
so much in fact it would rock the oceans and scare the meek.

Earthbound is where we want you, surely,
{not to be confused with Shirley}, girly.
For surely your name on PoemHunter is Lora,
and here you blossom like beauteous flora.

H A P P Y .......-Machine!…[ Very Short; Fantasy ]

A "Happy Machine" is what we, the human species, does need.
I don't mean a pipe for smoking some stinky dried weed, ….
but a fantastic "magic box" which can take any person's frown
AND, with a bit of "hocus-pocus"*, change it to the smile…..

What good, Bill, will Harvard do me NOW.?
I'm just another Carolina serf** behind a plow.
Ah, yes, the piggies. Perhaps we need a cow?
Today I'll jump the fence & then 'jump' a SOW! !

The accelerator pedal jammed. I couldn't ease up a bit on it, and....
as the curve ahead would not straighten for me, .....the tree I hit.
The pain flashed through my body, and 'thank god', I did pass out.
I ended up with a concussion, three broken ribs, and one broken snout.

I once received a gift with extreme angles,
parts of which were hung with shiny bangles.
I managed to 'unwrap it' without any wrangles,
but she cried out: "I'm protected by many angels! "

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