Lee Degnan

Rookie - 1 Points (05/29/73 / Peekskill, NY)

A Day In The Life Of An Alcoholic's Wife... - Poem by Lee Degnan

Just like a number of months before,
I awoke from a terrible dream
screaming
I took the next few moments of haze then
scrambling for my bearings
Just a dream, or a warning?
too soon to tell, yet
already
program running out of my skull...
And just like that,
I've armed myself with my old ways
and off to great start to a brand new day

Collecting my thoughts came
easier after the haze of sleep left
And I looked over to you
where you were sleeping
like a baby
Rising within me was not
the fuzzy warm feelings of love
but old regrets and resentments
Somehow I'm to live with your
mistakes
randomly yoking me up from sleep
as if I were a slave
A slave, in fact, to a terrible master.

I kicked myself for throwing the
blankets off, and I shivered
and for a moment it felt as if the
cold
could crystallize my tears
A passing thought to check
your cell phone occurred to me....
but I swore my sleuthing days were over
dammit...
I promised to turn my will to God
for the steps I take within that deed
promises
the serenity that I need.

Shedding some light
hopefully to my thoughts
as well as my room
I reached over my nightstand
for the lamp and my book
I believe the best way to
use such a book
is by way of 'divining'...
for my two thumbs to part the pages
and let the sages of those before me
speak the words
in the language only we
understood.

I searched for the meaning within
closed my eyes, hugged my book
hoping
that I could gain the wisdom-
that somehow if I could unlock it
with the right key
it would be mine...
Vaguely I sensed someone watching
and looked down beside me
and saw your eyes
You asked if I was ok
my answer was 'it's a work in progress'...
Which is the truth.
And I think back to my reading and realized...

Past is past, what's done is done...
Even as hard as one works it
We're still a walking time bomb
We've got some time
now
under our belt
and although the old habits within us still surface,
and all the hurt that's ever felt,
He goes into his room
and I into mine
the separation within that important
hour
will help both of us find-
Strength of self,
and strength even together
Equipped with this,
things can only get better
The two of us working this
go so very much hand in hand
I tell people it's the way of broken
marriages
but before hocked wedding bands...
I know I've hurt you
and I'm sorry if I ever did
I've my own master, and disease
and God willing, of which I will be
rid
I pray for you every night
that you too find your way...
I love you with all my heart,
forever and a day.

'Keep coming back, it works if you work it,
so work it, you're worth it! ! '


(Written with love for my husband, David.)


Comments about A Day In The Life Of An Alcoholic's Wife... by Lee Degnan

  • Brian Jani (5/26/2014 5:44:00 AM)


    Well written indeed (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • (4/14/2008 12:16:00 PM)


    A sad story of two tormented, seriously ill individuals desperately in search of a cure. The ultimate answer, I'm convinced, lay somewhere within the both of you! ! ! Wishing you well my friend. (Report) Reply

  • (10/3/2007 3:04:00 AM)


    The two words that come to mind after reading this are optimism and love. Your poetic confessional is straight from the heart and honest and heartfelt. Your story is incredibly sad, but the reader senses your pluck and determination to keep up the struggle. There is no solution, I know. You can't wait for the waves to dies down, you just have to learn to ride the waves. Perhaps the penning of this might make a difference. Good luck. love, Allie xxxx (Report) Reply

  • (10/1/2007 3:14:00 PM)


    Lee this reminded me of two poems I wrote earlier this year on alcoholism. I agree with Melvina, stand by him because there will come a time when he will need your support. I know times can't be easy, but my prayers are with you my friend. Top marks and thanks for sharing this with us.
    David
    (Report) Reply

  • Melvina Germain (9/19/2007 11:30:00 PM)


    There's a song called 'Stand By Your Man' and sister that is exactly what you are doing, also the marriage vow that says 'For Better Or Worse' you are the testament to both of those. Your heart is full of love for this man that you chose to be your lifelong partner, no matter what problems, you are standing by him even though in the quiet of night or early morning you may feel resentment, a normal happening I might add. This is a very special poem, heartfelt, an accounting of a difficult relationship that needs healing, so my prayers are with you this week Lee. I will pray for a healing for your husband to free him from this horrific addiction. Alcolholism can be beat, sometimes the trials and tribulations faced in life are trumatic and hurtful. There is always hope and if we keep our faith in God, life will improve. Come and visit me on Sunday morning Lee and pray with me. I feel your pain Lee, an excellent write.-Melvina- (Report) Reply

  • (9/17/2007 5:31:00 PM)


    ................a-hell-of-a-poem-written-by-a-hell-of-a-writer. (Report) Reply

  • (9/14/2007 2:10:00 PM)


    Another great poem, You get better and better with each passing day. I hope all is well I know time will tell.....Love ya sis (Report) Reply

  • (8/20/2007 5:45:00 PM)


    This is a very moving poem. Excellent write. One can tell you poured out your heart. (Report) Reply

  • (8/10/2007 6:17:00 PM)


    I know I said it would be hard for me to comment on your poems. In moreways then 1 I have gone thru a lot of your life with you. I have felt all your pain and I have cried many many tears with and for you. I agree with what someoneelse saidont his poem where others would have chose to walk, you stayed. I have always admired the relationship you and hubby have together, I have seen many ups and down with you guys. I know how bonded you are to one another. How both of your souls are as 1. I am so glad that you bothfound your strengths to do what you had to do for yourselves as individuals and a couple. I love you both more than I could I ever say and I am so proud of you (Report) Reply

  • (8/6/2007 9:12:00 PM)


    This is immense writing my dear friend, what a picture you paint (your so good at that) you are so descriptive i can really see what your writing..

    lee
    (Report) Reply

  • (7/28/2007 4:37:00 AM)


    Hellishly brilliant. This fills me with utmost admiration for you as person and poet. t x (Report) Reply

  • (7/27/2007 5:42:00 PM)


    Beautiful testament to the power of love.
    And it does 'work if you work it...'
    Nice work.
    (Report) Reply

  • (7/26/2007 1:42:00 AM)


    Lee...where others would have walked away...you chose to stay...that speaks volumes about your inner strength and character.
    Hugs,
    Dee
    (Report) Reply

  • (7/22/2007 7:25:00 PM)


    So much strenght so much love so much patience inside you and on the other hand so much bitterness and pain.You are a real wondeful person and admire you in every sense.

    Take good care and lots of love
    Roger
    (Report) Reply

  • (7/22/2007 8:03:00 AM)


    Lee, this is something that is very close to my heart at present. As an alcoholic and AA member this really strikes a chord.

    Normally I would shy away from the apparent call for empathy, but this is so well crafted and laid out that it goes beyond tribute. This is a great poem. Even without the 'message' this poem has so much going for it that it remains universal in its theme. There is a guiding philosophy to this that overruns emotions and remains a stimulating read.

    You tell it as it is without simpering, and as such, you capture human frailty. This is the role of the poet: portraying that around them; taking the specific and raising it to the level of ideal. This is indeed a fantatic piece of writing and I feel humbled in reading it.
    (Report) Reply

  • (7/22/2007 2:11:00 AM)


    A heavy and meaningful read, Lee. You've put your all into it. I appreciate your courage and your humanity. And your truth. Thank you for allowing us to share it.

    Love, Fran xx
    (Report) Reply

Read all 16 comments »




Read this poem in other languages

This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.

I would like to translate this poem »

word flags

What do you think this poem is about?



Poem Submitted: Saturday, July 21, 2007

Poem Edited: Tuesday, March 22, 2011


[Report Error]