A Day In The Life Of An Alcoholic's Wife... Poem by Lee Degnan

A Day In The Life Of An Alcoholic's Wife...

Rating: 5.0

Just like a number of months before,
I awoke from a terrible dream
I took the next few moments of haze then
scrambling for my bearings
Just a dream, or a warning?
too soon to tell, yet
program running out of my skull...
And just like that,
I've armed myself with my old ways
and off to great start to a brand new day

Collecting my thoughts came
easier after the haze of sleep left
And I looked over to you
where you were sleeping
like a baby
Rising within me was not
the fuzzy warm feelings of love
but old regrets and resentments
Somehow I'm to live with your
randomly yoking me up from sleep
as if I were a slave
A slave, in fact, to a terrible master.

I kicked myself for throwing the
blankets off, and I shivered
and for a moment it felt as if the
could crystallize my tears
A passing thought to check
your cell phone occurred to me....
but I swore my sleuthing days were over
I promised to turn my will to God
for the steps I take within that deed
the serenity that I need.

Shedding some light
hopefully to my thoughts
as well as my room
I reached over my nightstand
for the lamp and my book
I believe the best way to
use such a book
is by way of 'divining'...
for my two thumbs to part the pages
and let the sages of those before me
speak the words
in the language only we

I searched for the meaning within
closed my eyes, hugged my book
that I could gain the wisdom-
that somehow if I could unlock it
with the right key
it would be mine...
Vaguely I sensed someone watching
and looked down beside me
and saw your eyes
You asked if I was ok
my answer was 'it's a work in progress'...
Which is the truth.
And I think back to my reading and realized...

Past is past, what's done is done...
Even as hard as one works it
We're still a walking time bomb
We've got some time
under our belt
and although the old habits within us still surface,
and all the hurt that's ever felt,
He goes into his room
and I into mine
the separation within that important
will help both of us find-
Strength of self,
and strength even together
Equipped with this,
things can only get better
The two of us working this
go so very much hand in hand
I tell people it's the way of broken
but before hocked wedding bands...
I know I've hurt you
and I'm sorry if I ever did
I've my own master, and disease
and God willing, of which I will be
I pray for you every night
that you too find your way...
I love you with all my heart,
forever and a day.

'Keep coming back, it works if you work it,
so work it, you're worth it! ! '

(Written with love for my husband, David.)

Roger Bowman 22 July 2007

So much strenght so much love so much patience inside you and on the other hand so much bitterness and pain.You are a real wondeful person and admire you in every sense. Take good care and lots of love Roger

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Dee Daffodil 26 July 2007

Lee...where others would have walked away...you chose to stay...that speaks volumes about your inner strength and character. Hugs, Dee

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Chris Mendros 27 July 2007

Beautiful testament to the power of love. And it does 'work if you work it...' Nice work.

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Hellishly brilliant. This fills me with utmost admiration for you as person and poet. t x

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Untitiled and unnamed 06 August 2007

This is immense writing my dear friend, what a picture you paint (your so good at that) you are so descriptive i can really see what your writing.. lee

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Made a re. Joins you all in sharing the agony..

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Brian Jani 26 May 2014

Well written indeed

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James B. Earley 14 April 2008

A sad story of two tormented, seriously ill individuals desperately in search of a cure. The ultimate answer, I'm convinced, lay somewhere within the both of you! ! ! Wishing you well my friend.

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Alison Cassidy 03 October 2007

The two words that come to mind after reading this are optimism and love. Your poetic confessional is straight from the heart and honest and heartfelt. Your story is incredibly sad, but the reader senses your pluck and determination to keep up the struggle. There is no solution, I know. You can't wait for the waves to dies down, you just have to learn to ride the waves. Perhaps the penning of this might make a difference. Good luck. love, Allie xxxx

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David Harris 01 October 2007

Lee this reminded me of two poems I wrote earlier this year on alcoholism. I agree with Melvina, stand by him because there will come a time when he will need your support. I know times can't be easy, but my prayers are with you my friend. Top marks and thanks for sharing this with us. David

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