I watched the days
their songs too brief
You have a gift to capture so much and leave a lasting imprint with your economy of words. Warmest wishes, Justine
this sounds like a japanese tanka.
another day passes
as i sip coffee
Rewrite of a comment lost in transition from write to send:
is not 'days' a subset of 'time', hence a redundancy? Just wondering why you felt it necessary - poem would be wonderful without it, but, an excellent short piece capturing the brief moment of a sparrow's song. Not even sure if I have ever heard one-nightingale and lark, yes-sparrow, hmmm don't really recall. In NYC we don't see many; nor in Floroda -maybe in the Carolinas or PA.
I agree with most of the below. But keep the time and the days, they do serve their purpose. You would be great at Haiku. Perhaps you are; I just have to read on.
Time is too short, isn't it Chuck? But the bright side is that God will grant you a whole 24 hours tomorrow to compensate for the time missed yesterday. Beautifully expressed! Take care, Beth
Well conceived and nicely encapsulated with insight. A beautiful creation.
Thanks for sharing, Chuck.
A fleeting thought, perhaps, but the one that most definitely lingers....less is more and every single word here counts. Lovely Chuck...
Days move in ages, and time in moments; sparrows live many days, but a song is gone in a moment of wonder.
BEAUTIFUL poem Chuck.
This little gem is brief, but rich and enduring.
Your touch is as light as a feather here...well done.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
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