Professor Poetry Hound

Cheesy Music - Poem by Professor Poetry Hound

Do you think Jesus listens to Christian rock music?
If he does, that really lowers him in my estimation.
That music is so cheesy. What kind of music do you
think he listens to? Maybe he listens to everything
simultaneously. I mean, he can already hear
millions of prayers simultaneously, so why couldn’t
he listen to all songs ever recorded simultaneously?
But that would mean he couldn’t tap his toe to the
beat because which beat would he tap to? I was
thinking that maybe he listens to the Carpenters
because he was a carpenter himself. In that same
genre would be Captain & Tennille and Pat Boone.
Uh oh. Do you see me holding my nose? We’ve got
to get Jesus off the cheese! I don’t suppose you
have any Coltrane in your collection, do you? Well,
if you do, put it on! And lay the speakers on the
floor facing upwards so he can hear it better.

Comments about Cheesy Music by Professor Poetry Hound

  • (8/22/2006 4:16:00 PM)

    Better still mate get him to listen to 'Blue Monk' Missed by millions Tholonius actually fell asleep while playing this and woke up half way through to finish.Whast a trouper! ! ! and a great musician to boot.......
    Respectfully Sid John.
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  • (6/22/2006 3:16:00 PM)

    This has a nice misleading title t'wich i would not have guessed that it had anything to do with Jesus. Nice flow and idea. I was imagining Jesus taking all the words and down loading them to his very own ipodical music machine to listen to at his very own time or leasure, for music enjoying pleasure. I thought for sure the ipod idea was going to appear soon for my reading enjoyment in this poem.
    Maybe you could incorporate this idea into a verse or two in this poem? Just an idea. God bless-Michael Jeffrey Gale.
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  • (6/5/2006 7:19:00 AM)

    very nice, especially that last image (Report) Reply

  • (5/14/2006 10:49:00 PM)

    This really hit the spot, for me. I'm an old curmudgeon, of course, but I keep thinking he'd like Joe Cocker (mmm, and maybe Leonard Cohen) and want to have a really good time before Armageddon, which he was trying to prevent anyway. If ever I forget thee, Oh Zion..... maybe I'll enjoy the roses and the beat. (Report) Reply

  • (4/14/2006 6:36:00 AM)

    i'll tell you one thing, when Jesus drinks he can't stay out of the DJ booth. i heard one night last week he was out at the gay club down the street; kept requesting 'Crucified' by Army of Lovers until the DJ finally caved in and played it. then Jesus threw a fit because they played the edit not the remix. you just can't please some people. but i would have been mad, too. the edit does suck big time.

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  • (4/13/2006 9:46:00 PM)

    Dear ProPoHo, Excellent soul play! Three counts. On the first count, I relate to the commentary on Christian rock, having attending more than my share of Church of What's Happening Now assemblages. Its not Christian, its not rock, its Insipid! And I truly know that I'm not a musical bigot, sometimes bad music is just bad music. Secondly, the Coltrane injection elevated the whole thing-I could imagine Jesus kicking back to Dear Lord, or perhaps, I Want To Talk About You (Live at Birdland version-my favorite) -but then, I thought, Christ probably likes the free jazz of A Love Supreme, so sublime and powerful. Third, I think I just heard Jesus jamming on the B-3 in the other room, some red clay soul. You are crazy beautiful. Thanks for the big crescendo of a smile. Phillip (Report) Reply

  • (4/13/2006 5:22:00 PM)

    You certainly raise some issues with this series, Hound. The most obvious being that if god is so great, how come it was/is mankind that make all the best things? Don't know how long you can keep this going, but it is certainly entertaining as well as thought-provoking (Report) Reply

  • (4/13/2006 3:06:00 PM)


  • (4/13/2006 1:19:00 PM)

    Very funny iconoclastic poem...but one thing you didn't mention...Did you ever consider that Jesus might be the genesis of all kinds of music.. What a capacity He has for toe-tapping, eh? You are outrageous, Professor, but I always get a smile out of your questioning poems.

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Poem Submitted: Thursday, April 13, 2006

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