Good Advice to Suitors (Victor Hugo) Poem by Oilibheir Álain Christie

Love has been in all times a real tough Ananke.
If you don't want to be kicked out,
As soon as you're in love, you'll observe and scrutinize yourself,
Set your rough-and-ready nature aside. From a brutish beast
Switch to an angel. You'll be Micromegas the dwarf.
Above all you won't do any damage in her home.
You'll sit, you'll wait, and never get bored.
You will find the frost, the northerlies, and the rain, all comfortable.
You must say: 'I'm warm' even though you're freezing.
An unconsidered snap of the teeth may be fatal. Hear this:

One kind ogre from the woods, a native of Muscovy,
Was deeply in love with a fay,
And his eagerness to marry the lady grew
To the extent of driving this poor brutish heart crazy.
The ogre, on a fine winter's day, combs his hairy skin,
Walks up to the fairy's palace to present his greetings,
And tells the janitor he is Prince Ogrewsky.
The fairy had a son, no one knows from whom.
She was out on that day, as for the kid,
A fair blond child, fed on cream and brioche,
A donation from some Ulysses to this Calypso,
He was below the door, playing with his hoop.
He and the ogre were left alone in the antechamber.
How can you spend the time when it snows in December
And you're left with no one to converse with ?
The ogre then proceeded to munch the brat.
It's all very simple. And yet it is a bit rash,
Even though you're an ogre and a Muscovite,
To gulp thus your neighbour's kids.
The yawn of an ogre is a brother to hunger.
When the lady came back, no more child. What's the news?
The fay catches sight of the ogre with his huge mouth :
Have you seen, cried she, a fair child of mine ?
The good ogre naïvely said : 'I ate him.'

Well, that was awkward. If you're eager to please,
Do not eat the child whose mother you're in love with.



[Rendered into English by O. Á. Christie
used as subtitles available under the 'closed captions' menu for the YouTube video 'Victor Hugo's 'Bon Conseil aux Amants' read by OÁC ']