Chuck Audette

Rookie - 59 Points (Poetry Hell, Vermont)

Manic In Love In The Men's Department - Poem by Chuck Audette

I'll stand in style above the aisle
while she shops and smiles that smile

Never seeing just how clever
ever frozen I am tethered

My lonely wish to catch her eye
Try, but only I can't, why?

This rigid pose of mine can't miss -
Bliss would be divine - her kiss

Stand here looking at my hand
and see at last that I've been scanned

She's walking toward me, baby please!
These stylin clothes are just my tease!

Oh no! she goes, sowing woe
(though I'm a pro so it won't show)

Why? Every time - to the underwear guy! ?
I think... I'd like to cry….

Him! thrilling, once again!
When will - I - ever win?
In love's 'never' bargain bin
ends this lonely mannequin...

(I tried a weird rhyme scheme - having the first word rhyme with the last in each line and in couplets, and internal rhyme, all of which was really, really hard. Sorry if it's clunky! Oh, well, maybe I'll try a free verse version. - chuck)


Comments about Manic In Love In The Men's Department by Chuck Audette

  • (4/21/2007 7:32:00 PM)


    Chuck,
    Sometimes only through the reaching,
    do we give ourselves the proper - - - thinking?
    Either way, would be O.K.,
    as long as there is yearning for the learning.

    B.V.A.
    (Report) Reply

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  • (4/14/2007 12:37:00 PM)


    Despite poetic license - -Mens should be men's; of course Kohl's department store doesn't know the difference unless thay have to pay extra for the apostrophe
    and choose to wallow in the muck of their own academic indifference and ineptitude. You, however, Sir, are a master at PUN-ishingly short verse (your longer ones are verse) and the puns are exquisite in their occasional boldness and ubiquitous subtlety. Trying to find a place to include you as a writing friend, but that link eludes me. I like your style and your titles are most intriguing.
    (Report) Reply

  • (11/8/2006 5:23:00 AM)


    It works for me. It's quite a bouncy piece, I enjoyed it.
    Ez
    (Report) Reply

  • (5/11/2006 11:49:00 AM)


    Free Verse RULES! cause this is what I feel like when I try to FORCE a rhyming verse...clunky...but you did it so well. (Report) Reply

  • (3/13/2006 10:41:00 PM)


    Not clunky, just a lot of fun with a lot of work behind the fun. Entertaining! : ] (Report) Reply

  • (12/13/2005 5:36:00 PM)


    A wonderful poem, Chuck. really brings me into the pictue in the ame way that Steve Mrtin does in Shopgirl. Thanks,

    Gershon
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, December 9, 2005

Poem Edited: Monday, April 16, 2007


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