There was a big feline named Dancer
Who asked her mate for an answer.
How do you titillate an ocelot?
Why you just oscillate its titalot.
A beautiful day
Sun’s shining, birds are singing
God’s in his heaven.
A Cat Called Nan
I once had a cat called Nan
Whose tail got caught in a fan.
On a lazy summer afternoon
All of us boys were lying in the shade
Talking about all kinds of things
In a world we never made.
One summer's day, with nothing better to do,
I went to the beach to enjoy the view.
Lots of cute babes lying around in the sand
Trying their best to improve their tan.
Did you ever think that when you smell something good
Like roasting coffee or cedar wood
Or baking bread or sweet perfume
That actual molecules are floating around the room?
As I was walking down the path
In my head I did some higher math.
They say that one and one makes two
But I know that that's not always true
CAUTION: Reading this rhyme may give you a headache.
I think I’ll take an Alka Seltzer to relieve my gut,
Eating too much Mexican has put me in a rut.
Fire and ice, fire and ice,
Fire and ice, they will suffice.
With the huge flames glowing, glowing
And the glaciers overflowing.
Here I sit all broken hearted
Paid a nickel and couldn't get started
There once was a gal named Grace
Who had an ugly face
—She said, 'My face I don't mind it,
—'Cause I am behind it
I had a white rabbit named Sam
Who one day went on the lam.
When he came back
I knew he’d been in the sack
There was a cow from Californy
Who was very, very horny.
He wasn’t sexy, instead
Two biggies grew from his head
There was a cowboy from Wyoming
Who sang to the cows in the gloaming.
-It was all they could take
-And it kept them awake.
Now I lay me down to dreams
Life's not always what it seems.
Sometimes, to just get through the day
I have to dream my life away.
Dragged out this morn
Feeling so worn,
Still in the stream
Of a late dream.
It sounds like a foghorn or a donkey braying.
An ominous sound, if you know what I’m saying.
I'm just a rhymer, not a poet, Read one of mine and then you'll know it. You don't have to pretend you understand, It's as plain as day, like the palm of your hand. Nothing esoteric, abstruse or recondite here, Just something to read while drinking your beer.)
A Fifth On The Fourth
I didn’t make
But I’ve heard it
I was a pup.
A little reminder
For the holiday
In case you’re
Inclined to go
“He who drinks a
Fifth on the Fourth
May not be able
To go Forth on the Fifth”
A little advice for you
How true it is, how true.