Jessie Clarete Bernabe Cadsawan

Jessie Clarete Bernabe Cadsawan Poems

Jessie Clarete Bernabe Cadsawan Biography

I was born in the town of Angono, province of Rizal in the Philippines on December 30,1950. A christian name JOSEFINA CLARETE BERNABE was given to me and nicknamed, Jessie. I got my elementary education in Angono Pilot Elementary School from 1957 to 1963, my secondary education in Angono Private High School from 1963 to 1967 and my college education in Jose Rizal College from 1967 to 1971. As a student i am a contributor to our school organ of course, my poetry. i started writing poems when I was in grade four.. I got married to Rogelio L. Cadsawan a native of Pakil, Laguna, on July 25,1971 and got widowed on August 6,1999. He went to his destiny leaving me 2 beautiful daughters, namely Rezzie and Reichel and two handsome sons namely, Reggie and Reimon, all married the time I am composing this biography. They gave me five cute and active and intelligent grand sons and a cute baby girl. I am a proud mother and grandmother of course. My past life was a struggle for survival, was very tragic and challenging but all I leave to the almighty and entrust him my life and my family. Here is the biography I am posting to all my web sites when asked. It is a blog entry I submitted to Yahoo 360. Reminiscing I am Jessie to my friends, here in my country, and to some on the internet world. My real name is Josefina Clarete Bernabe and Jessie is my nickname. I grew up in an environment that was good but compared to normal standards, we were among the poorest. I was born December 30,1950, to a poor couple: my father was a fisherman and my mother a sickly, and plain housewife, but both of them had fine manners. In order to pay for our schooling, starting from when I was five years old, my elder sister and I ran errands, baby sat, washed clothes and cleaned the houses of well-to-do relatives. At times I stayed in my bed crying because I envied the other children of my age, the food they were eating, the toys they were playing with, and the clothes they were wearing. But I have no resentment in serving others because I chose to do what I did; it was never imposed on me by anybody. It was my own choice from my own free will, because I hated poverty and wanted to escape from it. Though I suffered, I managed not to show to my feelings to my family or other people around me. Despite those hardships, I was very healthy and strong and still exceeded in class, which helped a lot to finish my education. I was an athlete, a narrator, a poet, a dancer, a class leader, and a contributor to the school organ. Those were the good things I did with the talents GOD had bestowed upon me. To be a working student was a sacrifice because I had to give my salary to my mom to help out at home and also earned money by providing extra services to my classmates to help pay for my education. I did their homework in return for a small fee. At work I also gained promotion for the efforts I exerted. I was sixteen years old by that time. After high school graduation, I was employed as a laborer to a thread manufacturing company in Mandaluyong City. It was here where I attended college and took a BA in Commercial Science, majoring in Accounting. It was at work that I met my husband. At the time I had dealing with a heart breaking pain. The man that I married was not my first love. My first love did not wait for me to finish college and got married to someone else instead of me, which caused me to suffer terribly. But I kept this pain inside and never showed it to anyone, aside from my best friend. To get over this, I promised my self to get a husband that would be the exact opposite of my first love and that I achieved. The man I married was a very intelligent and handsome guy from Pakil. Once I decided on this course, I moved quickly. It was so fast that I never had a second thought about marrying him. Two and a half months after we met, we got married and were husband and wife and had four children two handsome boys and two lovely girls. Nine days after my wedding my father died at only 40 years old due to myocardial infarction. He went to sleep and never woke up. So I then had to live with my mom and my Downs syndrome sister. We lived happily together and because my mom was a very nice person and we got on well together. Just like any other wife, I did my best to keep personal marital problems hidden to my mom and my children. My husband was a workaholic and very supportive; but was worse was I didn't know he was a juvenile diabetic. The remaining days of his life were so miserable. All our savings and the properties we had invested in for the future, all went. All that was left was the house we lived in. But no sense in protesting this injustice because no one's to blame. I believe it’s our fate. When he died, he left me a tremendous amount of debt. But it was also the start of the sudden change in my family's life. All the efforts and struggles we had done together was for the benefit of our four children. But the nest egg we had created was lost due to the cost of his medical problems. After ten years of knowing he was diabetic, he suffered complications, which brought my life to a very confusing and traumatic dilemma, regarding whom I should attend to first, my adolescent children or my husband who was almost blind at 36. I had to be strong even though I was confused. It’s my youngest son who could not take our financial fall from Grace. He became hooked on a drug called Shabu and became a problem both at home an at school. Heart-breakingly, my other son became addicted too. During those days I was an officer of their school PTA but their behaviour caused me to resign out of of shame. But never did I surrender. Just cried out to the ALMIGHTY, and bore the problems of life alone. After my husband’s death, finances were my major problem. Paying for food, medicines, and hospitalization, including rehabilitation expenses for my younger son’s addiction problems. Marriage took him away from addiction, but I helped him so he lived with me. Fear of poverty and love for me was also a great factor that made him change which I count as another of God’s blessing. My two sons have completely recovered, have their own families and happy.My two daughters were both have their families too and happy as well. Now I have survived and am looking for happiness whatever that may look like. And I know and can feel it will happen soon, very soon. It must be my reward from bearing the cross I have had.)

The Best Poem Of Jessie Clarete Bernabe Cadsawan

A Dream

Struggling hard for my crop to be on top
The taxi is waiting for me for my freight
“Hurry up” its mom “might miss your flight”
Luggage on board the land cruise about to start.

The walls were dark and no one on sight
Soul searching for anybody but alone it is night
Hours keep moving and sound like ticking light
Wondering where I am comes to my mind.

Far place I see but was familiar to eyes
Ravine so stiff and a nipa hut stand
Down and beside the lake was in sight
Waves of the sea awaits the lonely ash
Of a cremated body that was done with us.

I see myself back in the house and friends around
My wedding gown and some relatives behind
I have to dress for my wedding soon to start
Wondering why my wedding dress is not white
And can’t see my family and tears in my eyes.

Crying hard “wake up” says mom on shout
Blast a loud voice in her tongue of shock
I a having a nightmare and she thought it was bad
Was afraid something was going wrong in my side.

After a week, it was July 25,1971 I am on my march
My future husband to the altar waits for my hands
To be transferred to him by my dad with pain in his heart
Proven by a life less smile as we walk to the carpet
And hand me over to his future son, my groom my love.

Shimmering smiles in my lips in my eyes
Darkened face of my sad and lonely dad
Were the effects seen the photographs
Portrait of the wedding, for a remembrance.

After the reception my family was silent
No words from them just simple deep breathings
That can’t be denied by the silence that surrounds
The loneliness after the blessings from mom and dad


We walked down the stairs with heavy hearts
Don’t want to look back my tears might blast
We have to be happy as we were here to stay
To proceed to the new home for our new life starts.

On the 3rd day I got sick and father came
With him a doctor for my heath to take care
Yet the eyes of dad were sad and no glow
Smile that always come our lips don’t show.

On the 9th day, it was August 3,1971
I have recovered and feeling fine
We visit the place where my childhood lingers
Missed my family, as for days haven’t seen
Yet dad’s not around at work and late for an O.T.

Sad I am because dad was not there to see
To hug, to kiss and say I am sorry but I am happy
To bed I went with my lonely heart missing daddy
When a butterfly appeared in my altar suddenly
I talked to it a like human conveying my sadness.

I missed my dad so much and get asleep that night.
In the mid of our sleep hard and awakening knocks
On our door my mom-in-law calling us to come out
A visitor, my uncle, for me has come in our house
Have to leave for abroad and wants see me last.

But I lost my consciousness on that moment
I felt I am on limbo and cannot move my body
Seem paralyzed and frozen I was very cold
I see myself on board the car beside my husband.

Our house was bright and people around
Murmurs, looks, I’m, worried, get numbed
My feet can’t move my walking stopped
Was lost, I wake up I shout I cried aloud
My dad, on a casket his cadaver was hard

Again I fainted and lost my consciousness
A doctor beside me tapping my face
Giving me injection to make me calm
My heart gets weak and feels to have died
A sad surprise I cried, my grieving heart.


Why? Why? What happened to dad?
No one can reply all have tears and sad
A cardiac arrest took him away to our life
A great mourning and agony I have, we had
Especially on my part because I am his pet
And his only hope to get out this poor life.

I felt I am lost myself I cannot find
The dream I had in that nightmare reminds
It was a premonition of the death to have come
A lost, a death, and an agony we cannot forget
A lost of a life, the meaning of the dream I had.

Jessie Clarete Bernabe Cadsawan Comments