saadat tahir

Gold Star - 5,447 Points (21011965 / Islamabad-Pakistan)

A Stretch In The Park - Poem by saadat tahir

Trills and where flowers abound
Humming birds to buzz around.
Busy the crawlys on the ground
And creepies too on their round

Wicker basket hung on a tree
Around it whirs a bumble bee
Draw your neck an a beauty see
Forget-me-nots, a splendor wee

Skulk in shadows, bunch of goons
Iron-wrought an old festoons
Atop those ones, a couple croons
Parting lovers in their swoons

Here a cascade of fuchsias bloom
By the side of the keepers room
In gentle breeze dandelions loom
Lend to the air their fluffy plume

On the cobbles little girls frisk
By their side a historic obelisk
Along that path a Victorian disc
The one in Bermudas on his brisk

Splendor of flowing fountains gush
Call of the cuckoo breaks the hush
Wafting warble of a shiny thrush
Ah the couple, her cheeks are blush

Eldery lady with her stash of tome
Elfin eared, naughty little gnome
Smattering of people out of home
Dash of people with pooches roam

Silvery water in beaten streams
Mosses cling to their stony seams
A car reflects and sometime gleams
Ah! an the couple, in their dreams

(May 15,2009)

Comments about A Stretch In The Park by saadat tahir

  • Lotlot Diaz (12/28/2016 11:19:00 AM)

    awesome and amazing rhythm
    I think, you really got the most amazing
    rhythm, , , everybody can see it with this
    peace of you.... image already a fan.
    (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
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  • Soulful Heart (3/14/2014 2:08:00 AM)

    a park come alive in words of freshness and natural hues......................lovely (Report) Reply

  • (1/16/2014 7:37:00 PM)

    A lovely stroll through the worlds of Victoriana and contemporary combined. I really loved the visions I saw. Bravo fine poet. Karen (Report) Reply

  • Passionate Reader (6/29/2013 8:34:00 AM)

    it's so lively and lovely :) (Report) Reply

  • Yasmin Khan (4/16/2013 9:00:00 AM)

    a lovely description of a park and you have employed wonderful imagery of birds and flowers to help the reader make a mental picture of the place and rhymes are impressive as it's a discriminating quality of your poetry. (Report) Reply

  • (9/2/2012 4:06:00 AM)

    very vivid and mine some time.. (Report) Reply

  • (5/30/2009 2:51:00 PM)

    quite a good poem! you capture the scene in little snippets. I like some of your rhymes, the whole is very inventive and fresh. (Report) Reply

  • (5/29/2009 10:41:00 PM)

    perfect happenings in the park. lovely 1. (Report) Reply

  • (5/29/2009 11:10:00 AM)

    joy in sights, sounds beautifully expressed in short stanzas.10

    (Report) Reply

  • Sadiqullah Khan (5/29/2009 5:47:00 AM)

    The imagery succeeds here, stanzaic pattern is good.10 (Report) Reply

  • (5/25/2009 11:13:00 AM)

    well me, listen to alison.......she is always rite and has showed me the way all the time........... (Report) Reply

  • (5/22/2009 1:50:00 AM)

    You have shared some delightful images in this poem Saadat, and there are some wonderful witty touches too, but I wonder if your percussive rhyming pattern isn't just too obvious for such a gentle pastoral piece. Rhyming is certainly an important poetic device and can be very pleasing on the ear, but it is possible to rhyme for rhyme's sake, rather than use rhyming to add color and light to your ideas and images. I don't mean to be harsh, just helpful. You obviously have a fine poetic talent. Love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (Report) Reply

  • (5/21/2009 9:41:00 AM)

    It is a beautiful pastel, full of superb epithets. Continues to write 10++ (Report) Reply

  • (5/20/2009 1:16:00 PM)

    nature's song written in a great rhyming..............stunning stretch you have painted here.......10 (Report) Reply

  • (5/15/2009 8:52:00 AM)

    Lots of wonderful imagery, all abounding with a great command of rhythm and rhyme. Flowers, birds, lovers, ladies and even elves all take part in this happily alive beautiful park. 10
    Karin Anderson
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, May 15, 2009

Poem Edited: Saturday, September 1, 2012

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