The Edge Poem by Beach Girl

The Edge

Rating: 3.4


Here on the edge
of blackness
The sea was set
on fire

While streaming ribbons
all ablaze
Sought paths across
the skies

In frantic fear lest
day depart
I grasped towards
fleeing sun

And watched as silken strands
of day
Slipped through my outstretched
hand

When darkness strode into
the room
And blew out lamp's
last flicker

I bowed my head to dreams
I'd lost
And closed my eyes
once more

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Savita Tyagi 31 December 2013

Beautiful expressions. Loved the imagery and the last lines.

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Perry Biggerstaff 06 July 2014

Occasionaly I stumble across a poet who truly knows how to capture a moment...a theme..a concept...into words. Thank you for this poem. I most certainly WILL be looking at your other works.

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Goldheart Bird 20 June 2014

beutiful! ! I can already picture the scene in my head! !

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Khairul Ahsan 06 March 2014

You have drawn a beautiful imagery of the setting sun against the backdrop of black clouds on a sea shore. The crimson sun would soon be gulped down by the sea at the horizon. The last stanza is indeed mesmerizing! 'I bowed my head to dreams I'd lost And closed my eyes once more' - Loved this imagery! Very well done! I can only pity the poor judgement of the reader who has rated this beautiful poem only 3 out of 10.

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Bri Edwards 05 February 2014

first Beach Girl, i'll take the chance that you will tolerate a suggestion; i'm not sure that i know why i'm timid about it now, as I RARELY am...........unless i've already been bawled out once by a poet for sending her/him a suggestion in the public forum. here is my suggestion: in the line: : Slip through my outstretched.....use slipped, as you have used the past tense for another verb in the stanza. i enjoyed this poem and read it two or three times at least. at first i kept expecting a rhyme at the end of each pair of stanzas. it just sounded like one was going to appear. but one didn't! it wasn't disheartening, just surprising. maybe it was because of my habit of rhyming and also because of the cadence as i read. i 'never' use the word cadence but i looked it up and it fits! you didn't need the missing rhymes. a nice poem without them. this set of pictures would befit a beach girl looking out her pacific ocean window. thanks for sharing. :) bri

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Shahzia Batool 09 January 2014

Here on the edge of blackness The sea was set on fire.... When darkness strode into the room... I bowed my head to dreams I'd lost... lovely lines! ! !

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