Freedom Poem by Bharati Nayak
Freedom
Do not trap your spirit
In the dark rooms
It needs sunlight
and the free air
It needs to listen
Nature's murmur
It needs to fly
to the vast openness
of the sky.
It needs to fathom
the blue sea depth.
Don't suffocate it with fear
Don't throttle its life
Allow free flow of colours
and all the bounties of nature
Your poem is a RHAPSODY on freedom. This is how the dictionary defines Rhapsody: an expression of great joy or enthusiasm. Your poem first takes us up into the sky wit joy over freedom. Then we plunge into the ocean depths with the same joy. I think the poem needs one last leap so freedom comes to rest on earth. //My second suggestion Bharati is to erase those two lines with all the abstract words: It needs to count the love, faith, and truth. You don't need those abstract words! They kill the rhapsodic spirit. Your subject is freedom which is flying; don't clutter its flight. This is the advice I got from my poetry teachers in te 1990s. It's still good advice in 2016. with ttose fligtless words.
Thank you for your great thoughts on this poem.I erased the two lines to keep the rhapsodic spirit of the poem.I will welcome more such valuable suggestions for improvement in my writings..
Allow free flow of colours and all the bounties of nature. as captivity blankets freedom to spree yet nature rejoices to flow unrestrained like a joy of blossom to abound beyond, yet wrought ingenious by beautiful diction, yet we all need freedom for flair of creativity, and we must not restrict nature to our own wish and purposes which would certainly impair nature to chaos, quite inventive! thanks for shjaring
Lovely and a thought provoking write. I really enjoyed reading this poem today. Have a blessed weekend. take care
Don't suffocate it with fear Don't throttle its life Allow free flow of colours and all the bounties of nature......so touching and impressive. This stanza especially attracts me to visit again. Beautifully penned.
The way one should feel the grace of freedom is strikingly expressed in sheer eloquence! A perception of serenity of mind through the feel of sparkling sunlight, free air and nature’s murmur makes this poem endearing! A wonderful write dear madam! A lot of thanks for sharing…10
What is freedom has been nicely and astutely defined by you dear madam through this poem relating to nature. Beautiful poem. Thanks for sharing.
Your exuberance is strongly felt as I read this poem. thanks for taking me along.
Leaping with liberty and liberation. Well done my friend!
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/26/2024 10:59:02 PM # 1.0.0.1119
No human soul can attain maturity unless it has the freedom to explore the the world, both external and internal, physical as well as the spiritual. A fine poem Bharti.. Thanks for sharing.